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By Christine Ruggeri, CHHC
June 8, 2022
Do you know what it feels like when you’re longing for someone? Maybe you can’t concentrate on anything else because you’re constantly thinking about a love interest or love lost. You may be experiencing lovesickness, which can occur when you’re feeling sad, unmotivated or even physically ill because of your lover’s absence.
The truth is that there are some varieties of lovesickness, and the emotions can feel like a bit of a roller coaster. Why does this happen, and if you’re trying to move on, how do you overcome feeling lovesick?
What Does It Mean to Be Lovesick?
Lovesickness occurs when you’re longing for someone so intensely that it’s changing the way you think and feel. This can occur after you’ve lost a loved one and are grieving, perhaps from a breakup or death.
You may also feel lovesick when you have unmatched feelings for someone or when you’re distanced from a partner and can’t connect emotionally or physically.
As you may already know, the feeling of love is not triggered by the heart, but comes from activity in the brain and hormone fluctuations.
A 2018 study published in Frontiers in Pharmacology suggests that lovesickness alters dopamine, serotonin, noradrenaline, testosterone and cortisol levels. Researchers indicate that being lovesick can cause traits that range from frenzy and intrusive thinking to despair and depression.
Symptoms
The term “sick” is used for a reason — you may actually feel both physical and emotional symptoms when experiencing lovesickness. Being lovesick can interfere with your normal life and routine.
Some of the most common symptoms include:
- lack of motivation
- fatigue
- anxiety
- sadness or depression
- trouble sleeping
- mood changes
- loss of appetite
- irritability or agitation
- restlessness
- increased pain or tension
- digestive problems
- thinking about the person excessively/constantly
- feeling isolated
- poor dietary and lifestyle choices
Now, it’s not uncommon to feel lovesickness symptoms when you’re first starting to fall in love. That excitement, inability to focus on other things, euphoria and feeling of desire are sometimes described as being lovesick, but using the term lovestruck is more accurate.
While it can feel confusing and overwhelming to fall in love, the experience is generally positive and exciting, which makes it different than feeling lovesick.
How to Overcome Lovesickness
There may not be an overnight cure for lovesickness, but there are ways to reduce the symptoms and change your mindset so you can better cope with the loss you’re experiencing. In most cases, lovesickness is temporary and will fade over time, especially if you help yourself to get back on track with your normal lifestyle.
1. Practice Self-Care
One of the best things you can do for yourself when feeling lovesick is love yourself more than ever. Recent research defines self-care as having the ability to care for oneself through awareness, self-control and self-reliance in order to achieve optimal health and well-being.
You can do that with self-care activities or exercises, like:
- reading inspiring books
- spending more time outdoors
- getting more involved in your community
- decluttering your home,
- working out daily
- improving your diet
- getting enough sleep or downtime
2. Spend Time With Friends and Family
To ease those lovesick symptoms, engage in face-to-face interactions with loved ones. This promotes a feeling of connectedness and boosts those happy hormones.
Nurturing the relationships you have boosts your mood and self-confidence. In fact, research shows that having strong, healthy friendships is associated with life satisfaction.
3. Talk About It
It’s not healthy to suppress your feelings, even if it feels like the easier thing to do. Talk about how you’re feeling with someone close to you or a professional. This will help you to process your emotions and work through them over time.
A 2018 study published in Clinical Epidemiology found that early treatment with talk therapy is associated with reduced long-term risk of serious mental health conditions in people dealing with serious bereavement after the loss of a loved one.
4. Increase Oxytocin
Oxytocin is the love hormone, often called “the love drug.” It’s responsible for many aspects of pleasure and social bonding, but it also helps soothe the body and mind.
There are ways to naturally boost the production of oxytocin, like:
- hugging friends and loved ones
- getting a massage
- watching a funny movie
- exercising
- listening to calming music
- speaking to someone you trust
Risks and Side Effects
It’s not uncommon to feel lovesick after a breakup, separation or loss of a loved one. If this begins to impact your day-to-day routine and ability to function, seek help from a trusted source or professional.
Remember to prioritize self-care and your own personal health.
Conclusion
- Lovesickness occurs when you’re longing for someone so intensely that it’s changing the way you think and feel.
- Feeling lovesick may occur after you’ve lost a loved one and are grieving, perhaps from a breakup, separation or death.
- Some signs of lovesickness include trouble concentrating, fatigue, insomnia or restlessness, mood changes, appetite changes, and digestive issues.
- If you’re experiencing these symptoms, prioritize self-care, connect with friends and family, talk about your feelings with a trusted source or professional, and work on boosting your happy hormones by getting outside, laughing and being creative.
If you’ve ever had your heart broken, been ghosted, or longed for love, you might’ve experienced lovesickness. Here are the signs and how to heal.
Have you ever missed someone so much that you felt sick? What about a strong sense of yearning for a person who didn’t feel the same way back?
Or maybe you’ve heard stories of couples who were together for decades passing away around the same time (aka dying from a broken heart).
If so, then you’re probably well aware that this experience is real, and it can really hurt. Well, that feeling has a name: lovesickness.
Lovesickness is not a clinically recognized mental health condition. Rather, it’s a biological response.
When you’re lovesick, you may become consumed by thoughts or feelings of yearning for the romantic love of someone. The experience of feeling lovesick can differ based on the unique circumstances of each scenario.
You can feel lovesick from a variety of situations, including but not limited to:
- grieving the loss of a partner, whether from death or a breakup
- lacking the ability to emotionally or physically connect with someone
- experiencing unrequited love
- missing a partner who’s temporarily distanced from you
- general longing for love
Some folks might say they feel lovesick when they first start falling for someone new. Those feel-good love symptoms can pop up as excitement, lust, or pure joy.
But the negative feelings of lovesickness don’t align with those positive emotions associated with the experience of requited, happy, and healthy love.
Lovesickness symptoms
There are many emotional and mental signs and symptoms of lovesickness to look out for, such as:
Does someone actually become “sick”? Not always, but it is possible.
For example, maybe your ex recently broke up with you, and now you may really start to miss them.
In this case, Pareen Sehat, a registered clinical counselor in Vancouver, Canada, shares that lovesickness could look like this:
“You’re so heartbroken that it interferes with your regular routine and prevents you from accomplishing important things. You feel incredibly vulnerable and weak to the point that it begins to impact your physical health.”
A 2017 review article suggests the following physical symptoms of lovesickness may also be present:
- fever
- agitation
- loss of appetite
- headache
- rapid breathing
- heart palpitations
According to Sehat, one explanation for these symptoms is that your brain becomes overloaded with the “happy hormone,” dopamine, during the initial phase of romantic love.
And when that neurochemical rush or withdrawal occurs? Enter lovesickness symptoms.
People use the term “lovesick” interchangeably with lovestruck or limerence. But they don’t all mean the same thing.
“Lovestruck is a metaphor for falling in love with someone quickly,” Sehat explains. “On the other hand, lovesickness is a condition in which you feel sad and unpleasant due to the absence of your significant other.”
She adds that limerence is more of an infatuation or unrequited love situation.
Good news: Lovesickness can be temporary, and there are ways to heal.
Although the above 2018 review suggests there’s no official treatment, there are ways to self-soothe and cope with feeling lovesick that may bring you relief.
Sehat suggests the following tips for healing from lovesickness:
- Give yourself time.
- Avoid forcing yourself to feel a certain way if it doesn’t come naturally.
- Talk with loved ones about your experience.
- Express how you feel.
If feeling lovesick starts to interfere with your ability to function every day, consider speaking with a mental health professional. Therapy can help you understand the root cause of this feeling, process your emotions, and guide you toward healing.
“If you repress your feelings, they can be triggered, and even if you think you’ve recovered, you could be back at square one,” Sehat says.
Don’t bottle up your lovesickness. Let it out so you can fully process and let go of it for good.
Focusing so heavily on loving someone else can also lead you to neglect your own needs. Remember to take care of yourself as well.
“Lovesickness can be healed, so don’t worry and recover at your own pace without the fear of being judged,” Sehat says.
Rest assured that there are ways to cope with lovesickness.
Being lovesick from unrequited love, missing your partner, or generally longing for affection can feel like it’s stopping time, but try to remember it’s temporary and relief can come from self-care.
You might feel better after letting some time pass, fleshing out your feelings, and talking about your experience with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist.
Remember that lovesickness is a common experience, and you can heal.
Most importantly, you can give yourself permission to feel your feels.