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Where do you learn to make a banana split

myspankypantz

MORE GREAT BAD JOKES #2

What did the finger say to the thumb.

I’M IN GLOVE WITH YOU.

(via myspankypantz)

bad jokes bonus joke

red-faced-wolf asked:

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!

And see here I thought that you just drill a lot of holes in it. Heh he he. Holey…. Ok? Seriously. The name of the blog is Wonderfully Bad Jokes. Okay? They can’t all be winners. (JK I love you guys! Hugs for everyone. Let’s all go out for ice cream later. We’ll figure out a time. If some people can’t make it, it’s okay. I mean some of you must be lactose intolerant right? Yeah. That’ll be fun. It’ll be an ice scream! Ha. I just made another pun. Have a great night{or possibly day for people who don’t live in my particular time zone}. Have you lost weight? You look fantastic.) 

bad jokes bonus joke over-explaining the joke punmunity puntributions This was a lot of fun to write deere3rd

I herd u liek bad joeks?!

[Here is just a sample of the many, many bad jokes I’ve learned through the years.  Please use as you see fit.]

How can you tell if an elephant is hiding in your refrigerator?
You find footprints in the butter.

Why did the elephant paint its toenails different colors?
So it could hide in the dish of M&Ms.

What’s gray, has four legs, and a trunk?
A mouse going on vacation.

Why did the 500-pound canary wear yellow fuzzy slippers?
Its red fuzzy slippers were in the wash.

How can you catch a 500-pound canary?
Hide in the bushes and make a noise like bird seed.

What weighs 1,000 pounds, sits on power lines, and goes, “CHIRP, CHIRP”?
A pair of 500-pound canaries.

What else weighs 1,000 pounds, sits on power lines, and goes, “CHIRP, CHIRP”?
An elephant doing bird imitations.

Bad Jokes bunch of jokes submitted joke Yay!!! submission

This is going to be the first in, hopefully, a bunch of Do It Yourself Wonderfully Bad Jokes! Have fun!

  • A little boy's parents are getting divorced. The boy is brought to a court to find out which parent he would like to live with.
  • Judge: Can we give you to your father?
  • Boy: No, he beats me.
  • Judge: How about your mother?
  • Boy: No, she beats me.
  • Judge: Hmmm well how about the (ENTER THE NAME OF A SPORTS TEAM YOU DON'T LIKE)?
  • Boy: Sure! They don't beat anyone!

Bad Jokes do it yourself

  • Little kid: When I grow up, I wanna tell bad jokes too!
  • Me: Well, you can't do both.

bad jokes read carefully bonus joke

In sundae school.

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or

Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.

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Rubber Jokes Shoe Jokes Chemistry Jokes Science Jokes General Jokes Atm Jokes Bank Jokes Cash Jokes Eyebrow Jokes Jelly Jokes Flying Jokes Helicopter Jokes Salmon Jokes Salmonella Jokes Donald Trump Jokes Trump Jokes Bug and Insect Jokes Animal Jokes Bird Jokes Valentines Jokes February 14 Jokes 4th of July Jokes Independence Day Jokes July 4th Jokes

Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.

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Donald Trump Jokes Trump Jokes 4th of July Jokes Lawyer Jokes General Jokes Atm Jokes Bank Jokes Cash Jokes Eyebrow Jokes Jelly Jokes Flying Jokes Helicopter Jokes Salmon Jokes Salmonella Jokes Donald Trump Jokes

What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.

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Science Jokes Car Jokes Chemistry Jokes General Jokes Atm Jokes Bank Jokes Cash Jokes Eyebrow Jokes Jelly Jokes Flying Jokes Helicopter Jokes Salmon Jokes Salmonella Jokes Donald Trump Jokes Trump Jokes Bug and Insect Jokes Animal Jokes Bird Jokes Valentines Jokes February 14 Jokes 4th of July Jokes Independence Day Jokes July 4th Jokes

How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

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Light bulb Jokes General Jokes Atm Jokes Bank Jokes Cash Jokes Eyebrow Jokes Jelly Jokes Flying Jokes Helicopter Jokes Salmon Jokes Salmonella Jokes Donald Trump Jokes Trump Jokes Bug and Insect Jokes Animal Jokes Bird Jokes Valentines Jokes February 14 Jokes 4th of July Jokes Independence Day Jokes July 4th Jokes

What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.

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Lawyer Jokes General Jokes Atm Jokes Bank Jokes Cash Jokes Eyebrow Jokes Jelly Jokes Flying Jokes Helicopter Jokes Salmon Jokes Salmonella Jokes Donald Trump Jokes Trump Jokes Bug and Insect Jokes Animal Jokes Bird Jokes Valentines Jokes February 14 Jokes 4th of July Jokes Independence Day Jokes July 4th Jokes

How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.

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Light bulb Jokes General Jokes Atm Jokes Bank Jokes Cash Jokes Eyebrow Jokes Jelly Jokes Flying Jokes Helicopter Jokes Salmon Jokes Salmonella Jokes Donald Trump Jokes Trump Jokes Bug and Insect Jokes Animal Jokes Bird Jokes Valentines Jokes February 14 Jokes 4th of July Jokes Independence Day Jokes July 4th Jokes

What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore

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Animal Jokes General Jokes Atm Jokes Bank Jokes Cash Jokes Eyebrow Jokes Jelly Jokes Flying Jokes Helicopter Jokes Salmon Jokes Salmonella Jokes Donald Trump Jokes Trump Jokes Bug and Insect Jokes

Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.

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Nut Jokes General Jokes Atm Jokes Bank Jokes Cash Jokes Eyebrow Jokes Jelly Jokes Flying Jokes Helicopter Jokes Salmon Jokes Salmonella Jokes Donald Trump Jokes Trump Jokes Bug and Insect Jokes Animal Jokes Bird Jokes Valentines Jokes February 14 Jokes 4th of July Jokes Independence Day Jokes July 4th Jokes

Where do banana splits come from?

A trusted historical account points to Latrobe, Pa. as the home of the first banana split. Legend has it that Latrobe pharmacy owner David Strickler sliced a banana in two, added scoops of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream, three kinds of flavored toppings, and whipped cream in 1904.

What is a traditional banana split made of?

Banana Split-this classic ice cream dessert starts with a fresh banana, three scoops of ice cream (vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry), pineapple, chocolate syrup, and strawberries. Oh, and don't forget the whipped cream, nuts, and maraschino cherries.

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