It's an awkward situation—we're here to help.
Is there any situation more uncomfortable than being asked to choose between your parents and your spouse? (Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.) And yet, almost every newlywed finds herself smack in the middle of this terribly awkward situation, unsure of which side to choose-or who should come first.
"Once married, the definition of 'family' tends to shift and expand, including both family-of-origin and the new family that began with your vows," says John Duffy, Ph.D., licensed clinical psychologist and author of The Available Parent. "And conflict will inevitably arise about who takes priority in some circumstance or another."
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Luckily, you can keep your internal conflict to a minimum by putting your spouse first after you tie the knot. "By-and-large, barring a crisis, I would say that your partner should come first, and know that he or she is the top priority," Duffy says.
Why? As Duffy explains, you're building a life with your spouse now, "and you will make decisions every day that are laying a blueprint for that life, especially early on." As you build that life together, your blood relatives need to take a supportive role-and step back from making decisions and demands of their own. That's not to say your parents aren't still very important. But, Duffy explains, "Marriage truly is the most important relationship in our lives, and we diminish it when we complicate or mix priorities."
Your partner must be your first priority now and it's critical that your parents "support the sanctity and priority of your marriage," he adds. Of course, it may sometimes still be difficult to pick your partner over your parents. However, after 20 years spent counseling children and their parents, Duffy says he's confident that putting your spouse first is (almost) always the right move.
Who comes first, the mother or the wife? Many others believe it’s your mother because she gave birth to you, and heaven is at her disposal. However, the truth is that both have equal rights. Wife and Mother can never be compared, as the love you have for your mother are very different from that of your wife. The same applies to the mother of your daughters. A mother goes through innumerable challenges to giving birth to a child. She not only takes care of her child for nine months in her womb, but she also takes responsibility for the child’s upbringing. When it is reported that a pregnant mother’s body can disintegrate her bones to nourish the fetus in her womb, it is true. The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) said, Register
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Visit Our WebsiteMother’s status in
Islam
‘Paradise lies at the feet of your mother.’
This does not imply that you must always be on your feet to serve your mother. However, the broader message is that if someone wants to know where Jannah is, they should go to their mother’s feet. Every Muslim brother and sister must obey their moms, treat them with respect, and pray for them in both worlds.
Abu Huraira reported that a person said: Allah’s Messenger, who amongst the people is most deserving of my good treatment?
He said: Your mother, again your mother, again your mother, then your father, then your nearest relatives according to the order.
In Islam, mothers have specific advantages that should not be overlooked, as evidenced by these Hadiths. Let us not forget to love and respect our fathers just as much as we love and respect our mothers. They, too, are deserving of our attention and concern.
Wife’s status in Islam
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” [Surah An-Nisa: 34].
She has financial rights over her husband; he is obligated to supply her with all of the needs for a comfortable life. The husband is responsible for providing for his wife’s needs in the home and financially supporting her in a socially acceptable manner.
Prophet [SAW] said,
“The believer who shows the most perfect faith are those who have the best behaviour, and the best of you are who are the best to their wives.”
Your wife is really important to you! From assisting you in raising your children, to teaching them, to managing your home, to being by your side throughout your life. A decent wife will always endeavour to keep her husband on the correct track, make Dua for him, and want to spend Jannah with him.
After all, half of the deen is the wife!
Allah says,
“They(spouses) are Clothing for you and you are clothing for them”
Your spouses, according to Allah, are clothing for you. A garment may or may not fit precisely, but it covers, protects, and beautifies in any case.
Although she cannot replace a mother, she may act as a companion, advisor, nurse, or chef. Prioritizing one another offers the ideal environment for a beautiful relationship where each person feels loved, supported, and protected.