Boyfriend only posts pictures of himself

TL;DR My boyfriend won’t post pics of us, he says he doesn’t need to or doesn’t want to share his personal life yet he shares everything else going on in his life and friends n stuff.

My boyfriend is 24M, and I am 24F. We’ve been together for almost 4 years. I’ve noticed he never posts anything about us or me, nor any pictures of us on Facebook nor Instagram.

He will take pictures of himself and post pictures of himself, but when I ask him if we can take a picture together he will either say no or will groan about it and won’t even smile. I do post pictures of us from time to time, but not like everyday, mostly once or twice a month if we go somewhere for a little date. He’ll post pictures with his friends and is always willing to take pictures with his friends.

Now I did ask him why he seems to not post pictures of us at all, and he doesn’t give me a clear answer. Once he said, “Everyone doesn’t need to know about my personal life.” WOW OK but he’ll post about new game he bought, posts about a concert he’s excited for, posts pics from hangout with his guy friends, and everything else about his life. I’ve seen old profile pictures and old pictures where he would have a picture of him and his exes! But none with me??

Why would he not want to? My overthinking brain thinks: Does he want to look available to his hundreds of friends?(yes his relationship status says he is with me on Facebook, but Instagram says nothing about me) Am I too ugly? Am I too pretty?(he has told me his guy friends told him I was pretty and he got real mad at them or something)

If you still have questions about your partner’s social media behavior, there’s really only one way to get answers: talk to them. Having tricky conversations with your significant other goes with the territory of being in a relationship. Instead of focusing solely on the lack of social media posts, center the conversation on how it makes you feel, aka insecure in your relationship. (BTW, they should take that seriously. Even if you have different priorities, you deserve a partner who cares about your concerns.) Try this conversation starter: “Is there a reason you rarely/never post me on social media? It sometimes makes me doubt where we stand with each other.” It’s straightforward, but it’s also vulnerable. Plus, it leaves space for them to explain their habits – even if they don’t change them.

The goal of this conversation should never be to change your partner (or their IG habits) but to give them a better grasp of how their behavior affects you. How they respond to that vulnerability – how they choose to support you – is the crucial part. "Your partner should always go out of their way to reassure you of your importance in their life,” Penelope Lynne Gordon, a women’s empowerment coach and hypnotherapist who specializes in relationships, told Bustle. Now, that reassurance might not equal more Instagram posts, but it should give you both a better idea of where you stand.

Looking at all the sage advice on this subject, there are a few routes you can take, but the main idea is to let go of this golden ideal, where you SO posts about you as frequently or tenderly as your heart desires. It just might not be in their nature to immortalize your love in Instagram posts. (And besides, would you rather have a bunch of sweet-but-disingenuous IG posts about you, or a partner who stays true to how they express their love for you?) Instead of focusing on the missed opportunities to IG Story, pivot to embracing the benefits of keeping your relationship private.

Research shows that, more often than not, posting a lot about your relationship may signal you and your SO aren't in a good place. Apart from correlations between constant relationship Instagramming and posters' insecurity, staying off social media tends to be better for your mental health and gives you space to focus on your relationship. Just know that high "relationship visibility" isn't all it's cracked up to be — and not worth comparing your relationship to.

Keep in mind: Your partner might not see couple posts in the same way you do. It could be new territory for them. Maybe they've never had a long-term SO to post about. Or maybe they have dated seriously in the past, but have never posted about an SO. Your partner might have the capacity or the urge to make cute Insta posts about you, but not know how to proceed (or that it's something you want). All you might need to do is ask.

At the end of the day, as much as you might want the crowning glory of your social circles' #RelationshipGoals, it's your compatibility with your SO offline that truly counts.

Sources:

Susan Winter, author and relationship expert

Donna Keehn, licensed marriage and family therapist

Dr. Rachel Needle, licensed psychologist

Laura Yates, relationship expert

Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert

Penelope Lynne Gordon, a women’s empowerment coach and hypnotherapist

Editor’s Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily’s staff.

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