Do you text after a date Reddit?

I usually text the night of a date when I get home to thank my date, tell them I had a good time, etc. Typically if I want a second date, I'll gauge interest in that text as well, saying something like "I would enjoy seeing you again if you're up for it". Lately I've had a number of women initially agree to a second date then give some generic sorry but I'm not interested when I text to set up the date a few days later. Are there really that many people out there following the stupid rules about waiting a day or two after a date to contact? Does texting the night of come off as clingy? Whenever a woman texts me the night of, I just assume they had a good time, and it doesn't come off as clingy to me at all. Thoughts? Should I start waiting a couple days?

Edit: the general consensus is that texting day of is fine and usually even preferred. Seems most likely the women are not following through with second dates because they change their mind after having more time to think about the date. Not sure if there is a way to avoid this outside of waiting a day or two to ask about a second date.

Hey guys,

Getting back out there dating again (gave myself a healthy two years after my last relationship to work on myself and travel) and had a first date with a lovely girl on Wednesday.

We got coffee and extended the date with a nice walk to a dog park. The date lasted two hours and she asked for my number after and told me she'd love to come to my city next time (we're about an hour drive from each other).

By the time I got home she had already sent me a text saying she had a really nice time and thanked me for coming out to her town. I of course responded that I also had a nice time and that we should do it again "soon".

That was Wednesday night. I gave it a day yesterday to analyze our date and see how I feel and I still feel great about seeing her again. Would this afternoon be an appropriate time to reach out to her to schedule a second date for next week?

She is introverted, which we joked about on the date (since I'm an extrovert), and I don't want to be too persistent.

Thank you!

UPDATE

I sent her a text after some feedback here and am awaiting her response. I'll keep everyone posted.

UPDATE 2 She did get back to me and we've been texting this evening. Haven't pinned down a date/time but we've decided to have a bit of fun with sports on date 2. Thanks all! :)

23M for context. So i used to never send any texts after the first date and noticed the majority of women I never heard from them again. I realized this was either because the 1st date wasn't that good or they thought I lost interest in them and moved on

I wanted to prevent the 2nd reason from happening, so I bit my ego and started sending texts to girls who sent me nothing 3-4 days after the first date, but literally every girl from that category ghosted me or sent a 1-2 word reply which is the same

So in short I reverted back to no texting after the first date cause I noticed the women who liked me and wanted to see me again always texted me first within a few hours or max 2 days of the date, those that didn't text me after 3 days always ghosted or barely responded afterwards even after i texted first, disproving my "what if they liked me but thought I didn't like them back" hypothesis

Whats ur thoughts/experience on this my dear men and women? and please state your age and gender for context

Hey everyone,

I am a man and as such, I have been told never to text the day after a successful date. I want to tell her, "Thanks for a wonderful evening." For last night, but once upon a time my player of a cousin told me, "That's what you want HER to text you".

It IS sort of a power thing is it not? I want to be sweet, I hate games, but I am concerned that something small like this gesture sends the message that I'm easy.

What do you gals and fellas think?

level 1

I usually text that same evening if the date didnt end super late. If not I'll text the next day for sure. No reason to play games.

level 2

So this is how its going so far today..

10 am: text "thank you for the lovely evening"

No response.

4:30 p.m.: get home ok?

6:00 (her response): yup thanks for asking.

So different than she was yesterday... she is really cold suddenly but last night we kissed and said we wanted to see each other again.

I have half a mind to put her on the spot and mention she seems kinda cold..

level 2

Yeah, I totally agree. The decision about a second date is usually made around 30 seconds into a first date. Therefore any sort of "3 day rule" (e.g. when the guy waits 3 days until messaging the girl) or other witchcraft is just mindless bullshit.

I usually text my date next morning. Also, your first message to her after a first date really doesn't have to be the funniest line in human history, you could literally send a single (non-creepy) emoji and if she is interested she will respond.

As always, keep in mind your are expecting a response and not waiting for one!

level 1

Games are stupid.

"Hey, I had a great time last night." is totally appropriate.

Your cousin isn't the player he claims to be.

level 1

25F here -- something I've had a couple guys do when we part ways is say "let me know you get home safe" which is (a) super sweet and thoughtful, and (b) gives both of you a place to restart the conversation. You can follow up and say that you had a wonderful time, and either plan the next date or say you're excited for it.

I also really like it when a guy follows up with exactly the message you'd like to send. It's reassuring to know, and then I'm not sitting there wondering if I should text first. Since you've already parted ways, it definitely doesn't send the message you're easy -- if you were, you would've tried to go home with her then.

level 1

I like to get the after date text. I can usually tell if the guy is really in to me by how quickly I get it.

level 2

Lol you're in for a shock....

level 1

I text whenever I can, playin games is why relationships fail so bad

level 1

I like when guys text to make sure I got home ok and say if they had a nice time

level 1

As a woman, I kind of expect a man to send this text. Whenever I’ve been the one to send it, the dynamic played out that way..me chasing, him not being as interested.

The men who have taken charge and let me know they enjoyed themselves made me feel safer, and desired. I think there’s no wrong way to go, honestly. For me, I much prefer the dynamic of being courted than courting, which is more traditional.

level 1

if the girl actually likes you, she'll welcome the text, and it's not going to turn her off. if the girl isn't into you, waiting to text isn't gonna magically make her want you

one time i went out with a guy whom i liked well enough, but then he texted me after he got home to tell me he was back and we texted a little, AND then he texted me again the next afternoon, unprompted. it made me like him even more, and not a turnoff at all. not remotely.

the guy wasn't my usual type at all so while i was attracted to him, i wasn't, like, bursting at the seams about it. but his being so straightforward was so fucking attractive

level 1

Text the same evening or, the latest, in the morning! Otherwise, she may think you are not interested and go back to the dating app. A good sweet and short text would be “It was really nice to meet and talk to you last night. I had a good time. Would you like to do it again soon?”. If she responds positively, ask her when she’s available next and take it from there

level 1

Thanks guys, solidarity comments like those made me avoid overthinking :)

level 1

Text if you want. This thing of waiting x number of days before texting is nonsense. Be straight up and you’ll have a better chance of knowing where you stand at the very least.

level 1

Well I sent her a text around 10 today saying "thanks for the lovely evening" and 5 hours later no response on a rainy sunday. Am I wrong in assuming that's a lack of response is a little weird if you like someone?

I usually interpret something like that as a bad sign :p maybe it didnt go as well from her perspective as I thought it did.

level 1

I don't recommend playing games mainly because it costs extra energy to do so, but do what you want.

To one person, you might communicate that you're easy. To another, you might communicate that you're consistent.

If you play that game though, you might communicate that you're a hot commodity, OR that you're inconsistent. Orrr a myriad of other things.

level 1

I think that "wait till the other person texts you first" game is a bit immature. In the world of online dating, you have to voice interest if you are, because if you don't 2 days can pass and that person thinks you're no longer interested and might become disengaged. That's not to say that you always have to say everything that you're thinking, but there's absolutely no harm in telling them that you had a nice time through a text.

level 1

I text what I want, when I want, and how I want. If the guy I'm dating isn't cool with it, he might not be the guy for me. If I miss him, am thinking of him, want to send something funny, etc., I send it. He hasn't told me to shut up yet. Lol. And he is one of those guys that when I'm out, likes me to text when I make it home, which I find super sweet.

level 2

While I hear that, I have experienced someone texting me too much and it did freak me out. There is a balance.

level 1

If I arrange and pay for a date (which I always do for the first one), I let the girl text me that she has had a good time - always. Unpopular opinion, but I’m with your cousin. Been there done that.