From dating to friends to dating again

If you’re looking up this question, I suspect there is a special someone in your life you would love to get back together with. Maybe things ended, but your feelings are far from gone, or there is just a little voice inside of you that tells you to fight for this relationship.

If that’s the case, I’ve been in the exact same boat as you. My then-ex (we are happily together now) had dumped me and I was devastated. I can’t explain why, but something in me just KNEW that this relationship wasn’t over, I just didn’t know how to go about getting back together, yet.

After much trial and error, I found a way to slowly rebuild the foundation of a healthy relationship with them, so I want to share that with you.

Being friends with your ex can totally lead back into a relationship, but there are some things to consider first and steps to take (plus some things you should avoid at all costs).

Here are the ways to transform your friendship back into that passionate relationship you desire:

1) Communicate effectively during the break-up

The process of getting back together actually starts with the break-up, believe it or not. The way you go about the situation during this time is crucial.

Most people that get dumped eventually write some sort of “break-up acceptance” text, where they let their ex-partner know they accept their decision, wish them well, you know what I mean.

If there is a part of you that feels like you still see a future with that person, this acceptance text is very important. Communicate to them that you still have romantic feelings for them, but are more than open to being friends.

The reason this is important is that your (ex)-partner doesn’t know your feelings until you communicate them, so letting them know you wanna stay in contact can be the make or break between separating completely or eventually becoming friends (and lovers further down the line).

In this text, you can define what being friends means to you, and see if your partner is okay with that. There will be boundaries from their side, as well, which can incorporate how much contact the two of you have, the space they need, the time they need, seeing other people, how intimate they want to be, stuff like that.

You need to accept those boundaries.

2) Don’t be negative towards them (in person, and especially on social media)

This one is very important if you ever want a future with your ex. I know that break-ups can be brutal, and you are most definitely feeling hurt, but whatever you do, don’t write any posts on social media bashing your ex and telling everyone how awful they are.

This also applies to talking to them, by the way. Don’t tell them how much they hurt you and what an a**hole they are. I know, this sounds self-explanatory, but trust me, in the heat of emotions we often feel tempted to say some brutal things.

Doing these things will drastically limit any chances you have of being friends with them or getting back into a relationship further down the line.

This also ties in with neediness and insecurity, not just anger. Yes, after a break-up you will often feel hurt and unworthy, but telling your ex-partner that, or showing them through your actions will not make you look like a more attractive, desirable partner, trust me!

You’re most probably very sad and need attention, and that is more than okay. But these things will not bring you the attention you want. Instead, try talking about it with good friends, or find ways to channel your negative emotions.

Working through your emotions is important, and there are countless ways you can do that. Maybe you already have passions that would work well for this purpose, but here are some ideas:

• Try working out – Whatever sport it may be, it will give your pent-up anger and sadness an outlet to be expressed. Sprint until you can’t breathe, lift weights, ride the bike, whatever it is, if it gets your heart pumping – get on it!
• Dance it out – Dancing can be super therapeutic. And no, you do not need to know what you’re doing or look good doing it. Throw on your favorite music, or maybe something that calls to your emotions, and just let your body flow with it.
• Journal – Giving your thoughts a voice can be an excellent way to not only empty your mind of all the clutter that builds up, but re-reading those journal entries can give you a more objective opinion on your situation, as you can read it from a third-person perspective.
• Create art – Express your emotions in an artistic way, transforming the painful and ugly into something beautiful.
• Scream, cry, and feel it all – you have been hurt, and it really freaking sucks. Don’t push that down, give yourself the opportunity to let it out. Scream into a pillow, cry until no more tears seem to flow, sit with your feelings. This is so important for healing and will be a crucial step in rebuilding a healthy relationship afterward.

3) Could a relationship coach help?

While this article explores the main ways being friends with an ex can lead back into a relationship, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like how to get back with your ex. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

My coach was kind, empathetic and genuinely helpful.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

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