He makes plans and doesn t follow through

Q: Why does he keep reaching out if he doesnt want a relationship?

Hes insecure. A guy who says he doesnt want a relationship but keeps you around anyway is a guy who is most likely insecure. A guy who is insecure has difficulty making clear decisions. He says he doesnt want to be in a relationship, but he then wavers, wondering if hes made the right choice.

Okay so this is the 3rd time that has happened(once a few weeks ago)..here what went down:

We talked Sunday night and said we would hang out on Tuesday no excuses(he brought up hanging out)...Tuesday comes around and he instant messages me asking if I still wanted to hang out or not I said yeah "if not tonight then soon"..i figured he was trying to back out that's why I was giving him the window of opp to just end the plans then, so he said okay il text you later then..at like 10:30 he texts me saying he doesn't think he's going out and asks what I'm doing...so I said well I thought we were hanging out..so he says well you said "if not 2night then soon" so I figured you didn't want to 2night we can still if you want to..at this point its 11pm! so I said no lets reschedule..so he says how about thursday I said okay thursday it is

So yesterday(thursday) he texts me around 4ish and says that by the time he gets out of work he's going to have worked 12hrs(any1 who read the text says it sounded like he was getting ready to flake out..so I waited like 10 min trying to think of what to say so I said "oh that's okay if you can't hang out then cause I'm meeting up with some of the girls"..and as I sent that he sent another text saying "buttttttttttttt I'm not backing out of 2night but hopefully i'll be back by 9 blah blah blah" soo I guess he got my text about meeting up with the girls and he says "oh do you still want to hang out or are you going to be with them all night" so I said "i'll text you later and tell you what's going out"...so at 8pm I texted him and said "hey are you out of work" he said no what you doing..i told him that I was going to hang out with the girls and figured once he's out of work i'll be done with the girls..so I said let me know when ur out then..once again he doesn't text me till 11, and didn't even mention hanging out! after 10 minutes talking in text messages, and him not even mentioning hanging out I just ignored him and said screw this..

So what should I do? Forget him? Call him out? I can understand maybe its due to the lack of communication..but I always follow through..he doesn't even bothering following through with plans until like 11 at night! Even though I said I was meeting up with the girls I still texted him at 8 like I said I would to let him know what was up, OBVIOUSLY I wanted to hang out if I'm asking if he's out of work!

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salparadise
salparadise
Michelle ma Belle
Michelle ma Belle
When people make plans and doesn't follow through?
What do you say to an inconsistent man?
Why does he keep reaching out if he doesn't want a relationship?
How do you know your guy is serious about you?

The guy isn't a texter. If good texting is of utmost importance to you, then find another guy. But if he's got enough other good traits for you to continue seeing him, find a way to communicate which doesn't involve texting.

And I think it never hurts for you to suggest a date after he's already taken you on a few.

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salparadise

Posted July 9, 2017

salparadise

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Posted July 9, 2017

...and I read a lot from other websites that in the beginning I should wait and see how much effort he puts out to gauge his interest level, that my only job as a woman in the early stages of dating is to say yes and be good company.

Ugh, if I was trying to date someone who was making no effort, playing coy and not reciprocating, I'd lose interest too. I don't know how this mentality still exists in the 21st century. I cringe when I read the line "see how much effort he puts out to gauge his interest." Seems to me you've gauged it- what do those websites say to do if he just gets bored?

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teak

Posted July 9, 2017

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Posted July 9, 2017

He's not that into you. If you're ever confused by a guy's behavior, that is almost always going to be your answer.

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Michelle ma Belle

Posted July 9, 2017

Michelle ma Belle

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Posted July 9, 2017

He's not that into you. If you're ever confused by a guy's behavior, that is almost always going to be your answer.

Agreed.

Texter or not, when someone is into you, especially a guy, they'll go out of their way to see you and and be with you.

This guy sounds like he's either not that into you any longer or he's a super lazy dater, in which case, do you really want to be with someone who is lazy about seeing you??

I know I wouldn't.

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phineas

Posted July 9, 2017

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Posted July 9, 2017

have you met this guy?

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/628811-she-leaves-me-then-comes-back-then-leaves

my advice is pretty much the same.

just swap the genders.

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Gaeta

Posted July 9, 2017

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Posted July 9, 2017

-So far we've been dating for about 3 weeks but we've known each other/he has hinted that he has liked me for months

-We've been on 4 dates total; he asked me days in advance for the first 3 dates, but the last date was "loosely" planned. I wasn't even sure it was a date and I had to contact him to confirm........

-he seems into me when we are spending time together. Very handsy (starting from 3rd date), compliments me, wraps on his arms around me/kisses me a lot in public. On every of our dates, he talks about places he'd take me the next time/in the future

So everything was perfect till after your 3rd date, right

and I read a lot from other websites that in the beginning I should wait and see how much effort he puts out to gauge his interest level, that my only job as a woman in the early stages of dating is to say yes and be good company.

And how many dates is considered *the beginning*? Don't you think that those 3 dates were the beginning and it's time for you to reciprocate? Men are not made of stone and they also need to feel they are being appreciated. The 3rd date should be organized and paid by the woman. Many men after 3 dates would think you are the one not interested.

It's time for you to call him, make an invitation, and treat him.

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kendahke

Posted July 9, 2017

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Posted July 9, 2017 (edited)

So my questions are..

-Should I initiate contact, after he didn't say anything about our date for yesterday? What should I say?

That depends upon how much you want to date this guy. He didn't really make a date with you--he just mentioned something in passing and you took that for concrete plans. Did you ask him for clarification as to if he was in fact asking you out?

Here's the thing that's jumping out at me:

-We've been on 4 dates total; he asked me days in advance for the first 3 dates, but the last date was "loosely" planned.

Meaning: you didn't really have plans. This was nebulous at best, but you think something concrete was planned.

It sounds to me as if he was seeing if you were going to be arsed enough to make plans and you didn't. You've been sitting back waiting to be served, so he may be interpreting your behavior as disinterest, so he's not going to exercise himself for someone who doesn't seem all that interested herself.

I wasn't even sure it was a date and I had to contact him to confirm. He asked ME what was planned for our 4th date when HE was the one who planned that date.

No, you didn't have anything planned based upon what you said above. What is wrong with you setting up a date? He's already extended himself 3 times and you're complaining because you had to do it once? Do you want to date or do you want to be waited on hand and foot?

I almost didn't want to go because I was sort of hurt that he seemed to have forgot about our date but ended up going out with anyway because I didn't want to seem like I was so emotionally invested in him that I got mad he forgot.

You are emotionally invested. Otherwise, you wouldn't be all in your feelings about this.

He again, loosely suggested another date, which was supposed to be yesterday. when the day came, no word from him. I didn't ask him either because the last time I texted him to confirm our date, I didn't feel good about it.

So now, you're down to keeping score? Giving to get is a really bad way to conduct a relationship... this tack will never work out to your advantage. I recommend you lose this frame of mind if you want to date in 2017.

-Does he sound like he's just not that into me? Or am I overthinking?

It sounds more like you're not interested. Yes you are overthinking this.

-If it's better that I just move on, do I say anything when he tries to contact me or should I just ignore him since we only dated for less than a month

You should move on and not date if you can't handle reciprocity.

His actions have been more than reasonable. Yours haven't. He's planned and followed through on 3 dates in 3 weeks, yet you've dropped the ball in terms of demonstrating your interest by planning the 4th date yourself. The 5th date, he just gave up because you're too invested in keeping score.

Unrealistic expectations are resentments under construction.

Edited July 9, 2017 by kendahke

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coolheadal

Posted July 9, 2017

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Posted July 9, 2017

I really need some thoughts on this new guy that I'm dating so any help at all is appreciated. Here are some things about him/us:

-So far we've been dating for about 3 weeks but we've known each other/he has hinted that he has liked me for months

-We've been on 4 dates total; he asked me days in advance for the first 3 dates, but the last date was "loosely" planned. I wasn't even sure it was a date and I had to contact him to confirm. He asked ME what was planned for our 4th date when HE was the one who planned that date. I almost didn't want to go because I was sort of hurt that he seemed to have forgot about our date but ended up going out with anyway because I didn't want to seem like I was so emotionally invested in him that I got mad he forgot. He again, loosely suggested another date, which was supposed to be yesterday. when the day came, no word from him. I didn't ask him either because the last time I texted him to confirm our date, I didn't feel good about it.

-he seems into me when we are spending time together. Very handsy (starting from 3rd date), compliments me, wraps on his arms around me/kisses me a lot in public. On every of our dates, he talks about places he'd take me the next time/in the future

-he never calls me, only texts. And his texts are usually very short. He doesn't flirt/joke over texts like he does in person. He contacts me every 2-4 days if I don't reach out first.

-when we are together, I feel a connection. But that connection is lost in between dates because he doesn't make an effort to talk to me. I do try to initiate contact and flirt with him over texts but his answers are always so short it just makes me feel like what is the point.. and I read a lot from other websites that in the beginning I should wait and see how much effort he puts out to gauge his interest level, that my only job as a woman in the early stages of dating is to say yes and be good company.

In the beginning he would plan dates in advance and now it has come to him making vague plans and not following through. I don't want to give up so easily because part of me think that maybe I'm just overthinking things due to my insecurities. The other part of me believe that maybe he did really like me in the beginning, but now that he knows more about me, maybe he lost interest. I'm also not sure if maybe he's doing this on purpose to see if he can get me to chase him since he's been the one to make plans/initiate contact while I've been more relaxed and hard to read.

So my questions are..

-Should I initiate contact, after he didn't say anything about our date for yesterday? What should I say?

-Does he sound like he's just not that into me? Or am I overthinking?

-If it's better that I just move on, do I say anything when he tries to contact me or should I just ignore him since we only dated for less than a month?

You have to wait on him that's not how to suppose to be. Really know one side of a guy when you chat with him through text. When you two meet in person that all changes. You can't expect him to text if he's not a good text as mentioned already. My advise is if you really like this guy in person, they see where it goes. I know you want love and you want it now and can't wait . So give him 3 weeks and if you don't hear back from him? Then you just don't bother to contact him again and move on, but next time find a guy that is really into you (head-over-heels) type someone with healthier ego these guys are happy, confident and have a prospective in life.

When people make plans and doesn't follow through?

Akrasia is the state of acting against your better judgment. It is when you do one thing even though you know you should do something else. Loosely translated, you could say that akrasia is procrastination or a lack of self-control. Akrasia is what prevents you from following through on what you set out to do.

What do you say to an inconsistent man?

The best way to deal with emotional inconsistency is to speak to them about it. You can tell them that the other day you greeted them, but they did not acknowledge you. And then you can enquire if they are okay. Doing so will give them a message that you are aware of what is going on.

Why does he keep reaching out if he doesn't want a relationship?

He's insecure. A guy who says he doesn't want a relationship but keeps you around anyway is a guy who is most likely insecure. A guy who is insecure has difficulty making clear decisions. He says he doesn't want to be in a relationship, but he then wavers, wondering if he's made the right choice.