Engaging in conversation is like a casual tennis match. Ideally, you ask an open-ended question on an interesting topic, and the other person responds with more than a one-word answer. The dialogue continues for a few rounds, and then you separate ways, hopefully with a positive feeling. Show
But unfortunately, we’ve all experienced situations that weren’t that effortless, perhaps with awkward silence, one-word answers, or that left us feeling underwhelmed. On an average day, we encounter a variety of situations that require some level of small talk—with coworkers, corporate management, vendors, or clients… So, is there a way to make this easier? Yes! Keep reading. Capitalize on MondaysMondays are a great day of the week to talk to coworkers and get to know them a little better. Why?
Every Monday, I ask my coworkers:
And then take it a step further by asking specific follow-up questions. For example, with a colleague who loves sports, you may ask one of these questions and follow up using the categories above:
If your co-worker is a foodie, you might change it up this way:
Other great breakroom questions can be as simple as following up on topics they’ve mentioned previously, like:
↑ Table of Contents ↑ Capitalize on Friday AfternoonsFriday afternoon is another prime talking opportunity. As you head into the weekend, prime yourself for conversation success on Monday morning by listening for clues about the upcoming weekend.
Remember, you can ask about fun plans for the upcoming weekend and successes or wins from the previous week. ↑ Table of Contents ↑ Start Every Conversation on a Positive NoteSometimes, we inadvertently say something negative, like “I’m so stressed about this project,” or, “Traffic was a nightmare this morning.” While the intent can be to avoid those awkward silences, it can be a downer as the other person starts to think about how stressed they are or their commute to work. This tone can be a bummer and set the conversation on a less-than-ideal trajectory. Instead, start on a positive note. Think of something you can say that is more upbeat and even humorous. “While driving into the office today, I heard the Macarena song on the radio and cannot get it out of my head. Does that ever happen to you?” Or with a smile, “Instead of grabbing the bag of leftovers out of the fridge, I grabbed my kid’s lunch. I guess it’s peanut butter and jelly day. What’s in your lunchbox?” ↑ Table of Contents ↑ Capitalize on Common InterestsOnce you find the initial nugget of common interest, capitalize on the similarity. Share something about yourself that gives your conversation partner more information about you. If you see they’re left-handed, you may say something like: “Wow! I’m left-handed, too, and I’m so excited that I found a great tool over the weekend that made it much easier to open my tomato paste. It’s so hard to find things made for lefties!” You’re offering two conversation-extending opportunities by reinforcing the commonality (the left-handedness) and then talking about something specific (the tomato paste). You might end up talking about other great tools for lefties or the type of food you made and enjoyed. Either way, you’re building a rapport. Don’t be afraid to bring up that same similarity the next time you see the person reinforce it. It extends the connection and shows the person your conversation was memorable. ↑ Table of Contents ↑ Avoid Boring Small Talk With These ScriptsRather than leaving these moments to chance, it’s helpful to have some go-to conversation starters that sound natural and effortless… and avoid the boring small talk questions. In Vanessa Van Edwards’ best-selling book, Captivate, she challenges readers to use top-rated conversation starters like these:
If you want to learn how to have dazzling conversations, read Chapter 3 of Captivate. ↑ Table of Contents ↑ Do a Little Detective WorkWhile “opposites attract” may be a common phrase, researchers found that it is not necessarily the case. The similarity-attraction effect shows that we are more attracted to people with similar values, interests, and physical characteristics. We want to look for common ground and capitalize on it in conversation. For example, if you’re in the breakroom with a colleague and both of you are filling up your morning cup of coffee, comment on the fact that you both like it. Then follow up and ask if they have a favorite roast or mention that you cannot wait for pumpkin spice latte season if that’s your jam. If you park next to someone at the office and they’re also driving an electric vehicle, ask how long they’ve had it and what inspired them to get theirs. Ask their favorite app to find charging stations. This may lead to additional information, like whether they enjoy road trips, that will give you clues for further conversation. Pro-Tip: Keep mental notes (or notes on your phone) about your colleagues’ interests, hobbies, and favorite topics. ↑ Table of Contents ↑ Conversation Topics in the OfficeOne good way to overcome small talk fears is to know what to discuss in the office and what to avoid. In general, stick to neutral topics that are non-controversial at work. These include: Best Topics
Controversial topics such as politics, religion, and even some current events are best left to after-hour conversations (unless you work in a newsroom or place where it’s part of the job.) Any topic that could be considered sensitive is more appropriate for conversations with real friends outside the office. Worst Topics
↑ Table of Contents ↑ Conversation Starters for 10 Workplace Scenarios
We’ve all had those remote meeting experiences where we’re waiting for someone to start the meeting, but they’re not even logged in. We don’t know whether to look down at our phones or look like we’re busy reading paperwork. Instead of staring awkwardly at others, ask a simple question to get people chatting. Consider something fun like:
Do we have any [insert team name] fans in the house? What a game…
There are inevitably people you don’t care for or don’t like that you will have to talk to within the office. Instead of avoiding them completely, stick to lighter conversation topics—like the weather, sports, or pop culture–or ask for their opinion about a neutral topic. People generally feel comfortable talking about themselves.
Read 30 conversation starters with people you don’t like for more inspiration in challenging situations.
It’s hard to be the new kid on the block, and the faster you can become comfortable at work, the better. Developing relationships with colleagues and making work friends can help ease the transition. After you’ve asked the most basic questions like, “What’s your position with the company” and, “How long have you been here?” you can go a little deeper to develop insights and positive work relationships with these types of questions:
Vulnerability and authenticity lead to openness from others. This doesn’t mean you need to share your life’s most profound moments, but giving some information about yourself can make it easier for the other person to get to know you.
These could include categories of interests, such as music and entertainment, sports and fitness, home improvement, travel, books, cooking, and other hobbies.
As someone who has been around the office, it can make the new person feel welcome when you try to get to know them—particularly if they’re part of your workgroup or team. Start with these types of questions to get the conversation rolling.
And if it’s going well and you want to know more about them, ask them to join you for lunch.
As you’re waiting for a meeting to start, you can ask questions like these to avoid that awkward silence:
Sometimes we can get a little star-struck by leaders or meeting presenters and feel at a loss for words. Don’t be tongue-tied if you want to ask a question or find yourself walking out of the meeting room next to them. Try offering a compliment and then following up with a question.
As with anyone you’re getting to know better, it’s great to ask story-generating questions that naturally lead to a follow-up. Once they answer, you could ask them to tell you more about a particular aspect or inquire about what makes it particularly exciting or challenging.
When a co-worker returns from vacation, it tends to be easy for them to talk about time away. But you can encourage the conversation by asking:
10. When someone returns from leave Sometimes a coworker is out, and the reason may be unknown–perhaps it’s for an illness in the family, birth, or something else. While you may not know what to say, asking a few general questions to welcome the person back to the office and to let them know you missed them is always nice.
11. When you have new conversation topics with existing co-workers Sometimes it feels like you’ve covered the same topics with people you see in the office daily and need something new to discuss. Try a game of this or that with our 300 Best This or That Questions for great conversations. Some of our favorites include
↑ Table of Contents ↑ Work Preferences Based on Personality TypesIt’s probably no surprise that introverts, extroverts, and ambiverts (those somewhere in the middle) all communicate differently. If you can understand these nuances, you’ll have a leg up in talking with anyone in your work environment… Preferences of Extroverts vs. Introverts at Work
↑ Table of Contents ↑ Tips for Making Small Talk with IntrovertsIntroverts love meaningful conversations, but small talk at work can make them feel put on the spot. Set up the conversation for success by prefacing your questions with these gentle starting phrases:
Also, recognize that their perfect weekend may mean curling up with a book or bingeing something on Netflix. Instead of asking open-ended questions, which may be stress-inducing, provide some guide rails to give them something specific to respond to:
Need help deciding whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert? Take our quiz. ↑ Table of Contents ↑ Small talk successRemember, you can become more confident in starting conversations.
If you liked this article and want to learn more, learn the 10 Steps to Being More Sociable to amplify your social IQ. How do you start a conversation with a coworker?Here are some conversation starters for the workplace:. Ask for information. A good way to start a conversation is to ask for information from the person you want to talk to. ... . Pay a compliment. ... . Comment on something pleasant. ... . Introduce yourself. ... . Offer help. ... . Ask for help. ... . Mention a shared experience. ... . Ask an opinion.. What to talk with coworkers about?Basic Work Conversation Starters. How are you doing? How's the family? ... . What do you do for fun? ... . Any travels coming up? ... . How long have you been with the company? ... . How's your workload been recently? ... . What is at the top of your bucket list? ... . What is the coolest place you have ever been to? ... . What is one skill you'd love to learn?. How do you talk to a coworker without being awkward?Here are 6 instant tips to steer clear of face-value chats, and truly get to know the person for who they are.. Stock-up on conversation starters. ... . People LOVE to talk about themselves more than you know. ... . Embrace your vulnerability. ... . Great listening is an under-appreciated skill you should master. ... . Branch off. ... . Be real, always.. How do I develop small talks?Consider the following tips for becoming a better, more respected conversationalist:. Become more social. ... . Be a good listener. ... . Encourage the other person to talk. ... . Ask questions. ... . Use body language to express interest in the conversation. ... . Know when to speak and when to listen. ... . Be prepared.. |