I dumped my ex and want her back reddit

Hi all, new here, so sorry if I violate any rules with this post.

I’ll try to quickly summarize what happened:

We dated for 5 years but by the 5th year I made up my mind that I wanted to be single, so I pushed her away by being cold and emotionally neglectful. Monstrous, I know.

She finally decided to walk out on me and I was so thrilled. I partied for a month, but then I started spending time alone and all of these thoughts hit me like a bag of bricks, that I lost something great, and you know the rest...

She consistently texted me for that whole month basically begging me to reconsider, but of course I was cold throughout.

So when I realized my loss I started changing my tune — we talked on the phone and I cried when she told me about her Tinder conversations and that she made out with an old fuck buddy. I’m suddenly filled with more feelings toward her than I ever imagined I would. After lots of talking and text we decided that we should both take some time to work on ourselves, and if the time is right we can be together again, and I’m so committed to this. I want to love her the way she deserves, but when we’re both ready to try again.

My struggle is that I want to give her space to heal, but at the same time I want her to know I love her and see a future together. We’ve been in this state of “pseudo involuntary no contact” for about a week now, but i already slipped up by sending her a song. I’ve also written her a long letter which will arrive to her later this week. And I’ve put an order in for roses on Vday but i’m considering cancelling them. I heard another great song today and I want to send it to her.

I don’t really know what my question is but maybe it’s this: as the person who originally broke her heart but wants her back, should I be the one doing no contact or should this come from her end? She hasn’t responded to my latest text, which is totally fine. Is it okay for me to occasionally let her know that I’m thinking of her? Are the flowers too much?

I know I fucked up bad and deserve this pain. Whatever advice you have would be great.

Edit: Thank you everyone who has offered advice. I’ve signed up for therapy to figure out why I overreacted and treated her so badly toward the end. I know that I should let her go but I can’t yet. I want to fight for our love, I know it’s still there. I want to give her space to heal and at the same time I’m still convinced we have a future together. One thing I forgot to mention is that I’m currently in a diff country where I’ll be for the next 2.5 months, so there’s no way we can be together right now anyway. I’m using this time to really work on myself. I’ve already initiated the handwritten letter and the roses for vday so I’m just gonna let that happen. After that I won’t reach out to her unless she wants to talk. Thanks again.

They say the best way to get an ex back is actually to not beg or plead because when you do that they will find you less attractive and loses respect for you. It always drops your own self worth because begging for someone who doesn't want you is as disrespectful as it can get.

That being said, I'm not judging because I promise you that I've also been there when my ex broke it off with me and I beg and pleaded that night out of emotions. I stopped after because you have to understand when your ex decided to end the relationship she had been thinking about this for weeks or months. When the decision was made, you can't convince her because she wanted to end it and for her it's a relief once it's done.

If you believe you want your ex back stop begging and pleading from here. Start going no contact, the reason for a 30 days no contact is so both of you can cool off. Right now she feels that there is something within the two of you that can't be fixed that's why she made the call to end it. You need to give her time and space to miss you. She needs to wonder where you are because even if a relationship ends, there are still attachments in place. Memories don't just disappear, good times eventually come back.

Of course every relationship is different and depending on why she broke it off with you, no one can guarantee if an ex will or will not come back. But continuously beg and plead will not help the situation but instead you will push her farther and farther away. During no contact work on your self, lay out all the issues you had with your ex that you might know that caused the break up and try to understand them and perhaps change your ways. No ex would want to go through another relationship with you as the same person she broke up with.

I (25)met a girl (23)on a dating site more then a year ago. We had awesome chemistry. She was kind of introverted but I got her into a lot of things that I liked and she was able to make friends where I lived (we lived 2 hours away from each other) and when we were together we were so happy. My family loved her too and she is the first girl I felt like introducing to my family.

She had a relationship that lasted more then a year and I have only had one last 6 months. My last relationship had moved to a different country and we didn't like that distance so we broke up and told each other that if we were both single in 2 years from then we would get back together. But my ex girlfriend pointed out that this girl left me and didn't really care. Which was true and I realized my ex was right because this girl did leave me and didn't really give a shit so why wouldn't she do it again? The girl I was then dating, she just made me realize she was probably the best I was ever going to get. She was kind, beautiful, funny, got along with my friends, would do things to cheer me up.

I fucked up 4 months into the relationship. Due to my asshole boss at the time, I quit my job without finding a new one. I started to run out of money. My girlfriend never asked me to buy her anything and would pay for everything when we went out. It made me feel shitty but she said it was no big deal. After 6 months of us dating, I felt like she liked me more then I liked her. I told her this and it really hurt her. She asked if I wanted to break up and I thought about it and told her it was probably for the best if I wasn't in love with her. She begged for me to stay with her. She pointed out why we were good for each other and then it made sense and I told her I was glad we were still together.

After that she got really insecure that I was just with her so I didn't have to be single. It made sense since I fucked up and almost broke up with her. But it got on my nerves after awhile. We started fighting more. But there were more good times then better times. But eventually with the stress of not finding a new job, I dumped her. She was torn.

We tried to stay friends, but didn't last for too long. She said she needed to not talk to me anymore so she could heal. My best friend and her are friends on facebook and sometimes when I was over at his place shortly after the break up, my ex would complain about how horrible her life was and how much she missed me. It made me feel horrible. But I still went forward living my life. It wasn't my problem that this girl wasn't doing anything to feel better. She said all she had been doing was crying and not eating.

Well it's been 8 months since we broke up. My best friend still talks to her on Facebook and mentioned last month when we were hanging out that my ex had a break down and cried over me. I didn't really think anything of it till I got home and looked her up on Facebook. For some reason I started to really miss her. She used to be my best friend. I hadn't dated any girls or even shown interests in any girls since. I looked back at some of our conversations on Facebook and was laughing because I forgot how great of chemistry we had.

But I also feel like shit. My best friend let me read some of the messages my ex sent him when we broke up. She was just...depressed for the longest time after we broke up. Recently, she has started to date someone else who doesn't treat her that well. It pisses me off because I know she knows she doesn't deserve it but I think she is just hanging out with this dude because she doesn't like being alone.

I want this girl back. I have a job now, and have even moved out on my own. It would be so much more easier now to date her and have her sleep at my place all weekend. I miss kissing her, I miss her laugh, I miss the talks we had. But I'm scared of the rejection she might give me if I ask for her back. I don't want to date other girls. Most of the girls I dated before her and my ex who moved, used me for money. This girl never did and I know she wouldn't. She's also better then my ex because I know she wouldn't leave me.

She also said when I left her that she lost a part of her life because of all the hobbies we did together and friends she made here. She said she couldn't do these hobbies anymore because it reminded her of me.

Fuck, I need some advice. I thought I moved on and didn't care about her, but I do. I feel bad for destroying her life. I want to make it better for both of us.

Does the dumper ever regret their decision?

How long does it take for an ex to come back?

What is radio silence after breakup?