When is it okay to get back with an ex Reddit

It depends on your situation.

My husband and I broke up for about 3 months when I was in grad school and he started working. It was semi-long distant (2.5 hrs away from each other). Trying to adult was too hard for us, I guess. However, once he moved out of his parents house, we gave it another go.

Around the time we were getting back together, we had a friend (we were all friends from HS) whose girlfriend broke up with him when she got into law school 4 states away. Then she changed her mind and wanted to get back together. Our friend apparently asked my husband this exact question you're asking and this is what my husband told him (and subsequently me):

He said he thought about whether or not he still loved me and whether or not he thought we had a future together. The answer to both questions was yes, and that's why he got on board with it.

This happened to also be my reasoning as well. But we were a rarity - we fit together so well, we knew it, and all our friends could see it too. It's just that at the timepoint when we broke up (~5.5 years in), we needed to both grow as individuals into adults before continuing with our relationship.

I'm one week out of round two with my ex. It's over and done, I'm moving countries actually. We were 3 months on - 5 months no contact, 3 months later back on - 21 months on.

Turns out he cheated shortly after we got back together. I found out 9 months ago. I should have left then but life circumstances were shitty, we were long distance and I was isolated.

The middle year was nice. We went on a great vacation and he supported me while I finished undergrad (non traditional student). I hung on too long and I hope I can move on from the breakup quicker. It can work, until it doesn't.

I've just read your post about your wife, and came back here to learn more about you and your wife. I guess I came here as I wanted to offer my sincerest condolences, as you have shared one the most heartbreaking things I have ever read. I'm not a religious guy, but my thoughts are definitely with you.

I just want to say that you are fortunate to have loved someone so passionately, your wife was obviously a wonderful person to have connected to you so deeply. I don't particularly believe in fate, but something extraordinary happened to bring you and your wife together. I can only hope that I could experience love on the same level of you and your wife.

Like many other redditors, your experiences has touched me, and I felt the need to reach out and encourage you to stay strong. I'm sure you have many friends and family you can rely on for advice, or just someone to vent your thoughts and feelings with, but as a stranger on the internet, I'm willing to talk or just listen if you need it.

I hope your unborn child sees the world safely, and wishing you and your family the strength to get through these difficult times.

EDIT: I just wanted to add, that it is natural to grieve now. I lost my grandfather to cancer a year ago, and it hurt. And though at times you want to keep it all in, it is much better for your own well being to cry yourself dry. Let your grief take its course naturally. Take time away from everyone when you can, so you have a moment to clear your thoughts (I understand it might be hard, as people tend to hover around in these times. But try to get someone close to "take the wheel", so to speak, while you get away for a few hours or a day to collect your thoughts).

Shit is hard man, and I can't pretend to know what it is like to lose the one you love the way you did. But I can tell you that when you give yourself the time to heal emotionally, only then can you start being strong again, for you and your family.

Posted byu/[deleted]10 years ago

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Like the title says. Let's hear your success/ fail stories.

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level 1

Have you ever gotten back with an ex?

Yes.

How did that work out?

It didn't.

Unless it's a situation where you broke up because of distance or some meddlers made you break up, then there is a good reason you're apart, because you're incompatible in some major way. It's not a good idea. I might still love one of my exes, but those emotions, for me, are not more important criteria for a relationship than working well as a team.

level 1

I first dated my girlfriend back in '97 when we were both at university. I graduated, moved home and we fell out of touch. Fast forward to 2010 and I'm in the process of getting divorced and we started talking on Facebook. A few months later, she invites me up for the weekend and shortly after that we were boyfriend and girlfriend again. We've been having an LDR and seeing each other once a month since then but that's all about to change - the company I work for has opened an office not too far from where she lives, so I'm transferring there and moving into a flat near her.

level 1

There are obviously exceptions, but there's a reason you broke up in the first place. I know "it's different this time", but honestly it's probably not.

Oh, I've gotten back with an ex twice in my life, stupid stupid stupid.

level 1

I did. And we broke up again. It's way more complex than this is going to sound, but I'll try to simplify: there was something FUNDAMENTALLY wrong with the relationship that made us break up the first time. There were very very good reasons it didn't work out. Sure, when we got back together there was a honeymoon period where everything seemed better. BUT after awhile those fundamental problems surfaced again and the relationship went back down the exact same path it had previously.

Some people, even though they want to, are just not meant to be together.

level 1

No, but I'm in the situation where I want too

level 2

Same thing. Pretty much the reason im asking for peoples stories.

level 2

to*, or two * depending on what you mean

level 2

Same problem is she wont.

level 1

You break up for a reason. So unless something's changed you should be staying apart.

Unfortunately, people don't change much.

level 2

The worst part is when you don't know the REAL reasons though... Or in my case, she says there were "several" but once you drag the first few reasons out of her, you realize they are dumbest things you ever heard of/could easily have been fixed, or she made them up so she could have an excuse. Her: "I don't like when you call me drunk" Me: "I did that two times in the 4 months we dated, after the second time I apologized and never did it again..." Her: "well it still happened" .... Right...

level 2

[deleted]

Ye, she cheated on me 3 times. Found out from her bestfriend who felt bad for me not knowing. Ended up sleeping with her, and my ex's other bestfriend as revenge before breaking up.

EDIT: Whoever keeps downvoting me, that's cool, i really do understand, and i know i sound like a complete asshat saying that. I'm not proud of doing it, and i would never do anything like that again, but you need to understand when you get betrayed like that you lose yourself. Imagine the feeling of betrayal being cheated on by the person you're trying to concieve a child with. Imagine the feeling of your knees giving up from underneath you when you get to know not from her, but from her friend. Imagine the anger when her excuse is "I was drunk" after you gave up drinking for her. You're not yourself after that. The only thing on your mind is how you can make her feel what you feel.

level 1

Someone once said that getting back together with an ex is like reading a book you've already read. You may enjoy reading it, but you already know how the story ends.

level 1

Yep. Now we're married and happy. :)

If you're gonna get back with your ex, make sure that the issues that broke you up in the first place are truly resolved. We were broken up for a year and a half and we took it really slow when we started hanging out again, and I think that's part of why it worked out. We were both more mature and had dealt with our shit by the time we got back together.

level 1

My current boyfriend and I broke up for six months once but we couldn't even stay away from each other then. He broke up with me because I had a lot of trouble with managing my stress and a lot of the time I would take it out on him but during our time apart I realized what I had done and did everything I could to rectify the situation.

Long story short, if you're willing to analyze why you broke up and make changes to improve yourself you can make it work.

level 1

The pessimism in this thread is putting a damper on my Monday morning.

level 1

Yes. Things are much better this time and now we live together.

I took things very slowly and was careful to evaluate her for anything which may have caused the same problems before, but everything seemed fine - and it is.

Usually it's a very bad idea. In rare cases, it succeeds.

level 1

I'm in the process of looking at getting back together with my wife, who left me at the beginning of the year. I had a relationship in the mean time, which was nice enough but could never begin to compare to what I lost. I was so happy when my wife said she missed me, and hopefully we'll all be living under the same roof again before not too long. Me, my wife and my kids that is... Not the girlfriend!

As for it being a success story, well when does it count as a success? 10 years gown the line one of us may regret giving it another go...

level 1

Yes. We're on a third attempt and got married last month.

level 2

That's pretty insane.

What made you split up, and what made you come back to eachother?

What is the success rate of getting back with an ex?

What percentage of exes return?

How long on average before an ex comes back?

Are Lauren and Erik still together?