Where can i watch Jurassic World: Fallen

What happened? I'm shocked. Was this supposed to be a SPOOF of the original? I keep waiting for Dan Akroid and Chevy Chase to pop up like SNL spoofs where every obvious fake movie trick is accentuated to create humor, you know like the audience could actually be fooled by the fakeness. Even the music is like it came off an old Android app. This movie is as realistic as there parody Aitplane 2, or Naked Gun 2-1/2, or maybe three stooges.....nah, at least the stooges actually made it look like something had a reason for the way things happened. Things just happen because the screenwriters wrote it to happen, with complete disregard and lack of any thought as to whether or not it would have been anything near what might really happen.. It really breaks up there movie so much and is so distracting to anything that might could be an interesting scene opportunity. In one scene, a 7-ton military transport vehicle achieves 60 mph in less than 60 yards of a flat concrete dock, then turns into chitty chitty bang bang and lifts it's own front wheels off the ground somehow without a ramp, or anything to protect it upward, not even a hot dog vendor's cart, no Chinatown carts, no rumble strips, garbage bags, not even a pebble.... Why weren't they singing, "My fine four-fendered friend, ooh ohh, bang bang chitty chitty bang bang..". Just then it leaps by itself up into the air about 6 feet up in order to fly over water into the cargo bay of a boat filled with enemy personnel and many other people who, by the way, don't even notice their enemy flying their huge monster truck and crashing it into the back of their boat cargo bay. I'm no expert on soldiers training, but I'd venture to say those guys wouldn't have made it thru boot camp with their lack of awareness of 120 decibel, about a 9 magnatude on the richter scale impacts from 14,000 pounds of steel crashing in to the room with an obvious civilian driver. Wow, good thing everyone was somehow deaf, blind, distracted, and couldn't feel the impact. Whew, we got lucky there!! I don't know, maybe it's the lack of concern the military guys buddies displayed for their fallen fellow soldier earlier in the movie. I mean, the guy is bring mauled by a raptor, manages to fight it off with his gun, is lying there, so they drug and take the shot raptor away, but no one is phased by their dying buddy.
I mean, your think one of his comrades could simply just walk over and see if they can give him an aspirin, a bandaid, Neosporin, iodine, a comforting thought for the day, see if he needs help, a shoulder to cry on, a new facial scrub, anything normal people would do, but no. They act like the director just forgot, "Oh yes, I just showed a guy get mauled in front of a whole group of people, and he defended himself with his gun, so we should see the other actors affected in some way by this.."
but they simply walk away like he just say when and tired his shoe or something.
You find yourself constantly trying to make up even a far fetched unreal explanation for the untrue human behavior and unrealistic situational decision making of characters and dinos. Curious George was a much better written story and more realistic for comparison. This show had no real plot, no real directing, magically disappearing guards on multiple scenes, such as with the sleeping T-rex scene, guards are there to closer the door on them one minute, then three seconds later a thrashing Trex in a steel box and two actors shouting doesn't get the attention of those guards when they can be no more than 40 feet away. Hmm, maybe they were probably doing running exercises when they quickly stopped by wearing their Sony Walkman headphones ticking out to Def Leppard and ran out of the giantv echoing warehouse in only seconds so they couldn't hear all that shredding steel and screaming people...yes, has to be what happened there... Or maybe it's the more hilarious dumb things, like when they are giving a dino a blood transfusion with a plastic bag, but for some reason they put in the sound of a heart monitor audible beep suddenly for effect, and after they announce the dino is losing blood and dying quickly, they simply pull a tiny bullet out of the leg, no stitches, no tegrastrips, no liquid bandaid or super glue, not even duct tape, and give the dino blood and instantly say, she'll be fine now??? Huh??? What about stopping the bleeding, didn't pulling the bullet out leave a hole, not plug it? I mean, that's why she was bleeding in the first place right, she was shot by the bank man no one cared about??? What about the constant quick "hiding" places people find in the scenes that are in obvious sight of the other people who magically don't see them? Man I would have been "it" forever if I hid like these guys when I played hide-n-seek with all my fellow kids when I was growing up. It's kind of like thinking you won't see a Rhinoceros if he quickly jumps behind a fire hydrant...whoa, where did he go, most be a magic Rhino!! Got to be a David Copperfield or Chris Angel illusion!!
Another scene had an actor run away into an elevator and gets eaten by a dinosaur when he simply could have walked over and closed the cage on the dino while the dino was eating another guy with his back turned. Not to mention the woman in the elevator who had been doing a fine job making sure she doesn't make a peep to attract the Dino's attention, but who suddenly screams at three top of her lungs when she sees the dinosaur that has obviously not seen her yet. Don't get me started about how awful the director did in reading up on how human flesh becomes charcoal at 1800 degrees in the pyroclastic flow, which by the way, the director things the actor can superhumanly outrun since the flow magically doesn't travel at normal speed of up to 400+ mph, but somehow slows down to 20mph school zone speeds so the charactor can outrun it. Well almost outrun until they last minute where it envelops him and he pulls the old Shadrach, Meshach, and Nebednego, doesnt even have the smell of smoke on him in a flow of superheated liquid rocks. Must be the fireproof shirt and jeans. Everyone knows the answer to surviving near 2000 degree farenheit heat is good quality Sears clothing! It's probably because it's a Jurrasic flow , they are always unbelievably slow and really cold, right? Or maybe it's the scene where the daughter/granddaughter ( that's a hole different barely cohesive to the movie, thrown into the script thing) walks in to find her grandfather/father dead with a flat line on the monitor clearly in the middle of the picture. It's all quiet, she touches her grandfather/father, and suddenly the monitor alarm is now on with no one turning it on. Ouch, I have to say it actually hurt us to watch this. The director didn't allow the actors to do what they normally get paid for, to actually act. A quick written story by two money grubbers under a greedy studio's pressure replaced an opportunity to make a good movie. I've seen more intense, convincing, and sincere acting from my 5-year old granddaughter when she fell in the grass and bumped her knee. It wasn't the actor's faults, I know one can really act, he has done so in other good movies with an actual goal of entertaining. It's just the poorly written screenplay, poor directing, and total disregard for consistency, continuity, timing, and any other part of making a movie that makes it at least somewhat believable. Aren't there people in the credits if they movie with jobb titles that indicate they were supposed to handle those things? Maybe the had a long bout with the flu when this was made, when everything they filmed and should have edited was made... Surely someone could have at least sat down in the editing studio and at least looked at the film. I guess not.
Had better things to do that day, perhaps the director sent them for sandwiches? When finally and thankfully the end of the hodgepodge hits, you feel cheated, like you went into a good bar and grill, ordered from the menu, where it had this awesome mile-high burger in a picture, a scrumptious all Angus beef double-decker with bacon and three cheeses melted on the beef hamburger, all for $10. But when they brought you your burger, they brought you a paper plate with a single Krystal burger, plain, no pickles it even dehydrated onions, the only thing that they added extra was that it was extra soggy. You feel like someone just got one over on you and feel dumb. Like you know someone told someone else that you were so simple minded that you would gulp down all this contrivance and be entertained by it because you don't think for yourself like touch sheople. And here you find that you did watch it and proved them right... It's like you insulted yourself in addition to validating someone's belief in your own lack of depth. You know the feeling, very similar to the feeling you get from the latest Disney versions of Star Wars movies where a good plot is avoided like the plague in order to capitalize on and milk what one man who actually had real intelligence, talent, and integrity created ( but then sold to them to ruin. Thanks George,). You have to be a plastic person to sit through this and not feel a bit aggravated at the sheer neglect in making this movie, in practically every way. Other than those, and a lot of other disappointing things, it was a pretty good movie .

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