We can engage in listening only when someone is providing ______ messages.

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Lending a sympathetic ear to your people can earn you trust and loyalty.

Empathic listening is a structured listening and questioning technique that allows you to develop and enhance relationships with a stronger understanding of what is being conveyed, both intellectually and emotionally. As such, it takes active listening techniques to a new level.

In this article, we'll explore how honest and effective use of empathic listening can help you to win the trust of team members, and address the root cause of workplace problems.

(You can check your understanding of empathy more broadly in our article, Empathy at Work.)

Empathic Listening Skills

To use empathic listening, listen patiently to what the other person has to say, even if you do not agree with it. It is important to show acceptance, though not necessarily agreement, by simply nodding or injecting phrases such as "I understand" or "I see."

Try to get a sense of the feelings that the speaker is expressing, and stay mindful of the emotional content being delivered as well as the literal meaning of the words.

Think of yourself as a mirror. Repeat the speaker's thoughts and feelings back to them.

Encourage the speaker to continue with their message by interjecting summary responses. For example, "So you do not feel as though you play a strong enough role on the team." Or, "You feel your talents and experiences would be better utilized in another position." Or, you could say, "You feel as though you are undervalued on this project." This should be done in a neutral way, so as not to "lead" the speaker to your way of thinking.

An empathic listener works to keep the speaker from feeling or becoming defensive. To do this, avoid asking direct questions, arguing with what is being said, or disputing facts. The evidence can be considered later. For now, concentrate fully on what is being said and how the speaker feels.

When the speaker says something that requires additional input, simply repeat the statement as a question. For instance, if the speaker says, "I am not happy in my current position," you can probe further by replying, "You say you are not happy in your current position?" This small amount of encouragement may be all that it takes to prompt the speaker to elaborate further.

Be mindful of what is not being said, too. Often, what the speaker holds back is as important as what they are saying. Pay attention to their body language. Nonverbal signs like keeping the head down, shifting away from you or covering the mouth could signal that they're holding something back, or that they feel uncomfortable.

If the speaker asks for your input, be honest. But, try to refrain from providing input that may influence their thoughts or inhibit further communication.

When you're listening empathically, keep your own emotions in check and do not allow yourself to become emotionally involved. Remember: understand first, evaluate later.

Finally, keep in mind that by earning the speaker's confidence, you are allowing them to communicate more freely. In doing this, you create better outcomes for the speaker, for yourself, for your team, and for the company as a whole.

Where you've earned this trust, make sure you don't betray it.

Empathic Listening Example

As a manager, John prides himself on being there for his team members, and he maintains an open-door policy. He feels that he knows each team member quite well and regularly engages in "personal" conversations with them, staying up to date with the events in their lives, both at work and outside of work.

Recently, he noticed Natalie pulling away from the team. During meetings, she seems distracted and no longer provides the high level of input that the team has come to expect from her.

Other team members have also noticed that she's not looking too well. She was late for her meetings yesterday, which was unlike her, and she seems less interested in work more generally, too.

John approaches Natalie to ask if something is wrong. But she becomes defensive and says, "Why do you ask?" and, "I'm fine."

A few more weeks go by and, still not satisfied with her performance, John continues to become more concerned for Natalie. Previously, she'd been the backbone of a thriving team.

To get to root of the issue, John uses empathic listening techniques to discover the source of Natalie's uncharacteristically poor work performance.

Empathic Listening Techniques

John calls Natalie into his office and simply asks her how he can help. This lowers her defenses and shows that he's willing to support her. Then, he listens to what Natalie says (as well as what she doesn't say), and takes care to avoid interrupting. It's not long before he uncovers the problem: Natalie has been going through a divorce and taking care of an ill parent at the same time.

During their conversation, John acts as a mirror to Natalie. He repeats the points that she's made, so she knows that he understands. He rephrases her comments into questions during pauses in the conversation and asks for further input from her.

John pays attention to Natalie's body language, too. Interestingly, throughout the conversation, this usually confident person kept her head and eyes down. Overall, she seemed defeated.

Counseling and Support

After allowing Natalie to finish, John provides support without judgment. He offers to temporarily lighten Natalie's workload, and reassures her that her responsibilities will be waiting for her when she's ready to return to normal. John also makes Natalie aware of the support and resources that are available to her through the company's HR department, such as counseling and financial planning.

Crucially, John keeps the conversation to himself. He lets Natalie know that what she has said will stay between them. He encourages Natalie to keep him updated on the situation and allows her time to go to the counseling sessions that she plans through the company's HR department.

John took note of Natalie's obvious pain and listened empathically. The result: Natalie took just over a month to get better and when she returned at full speed, her work was better than ever – as was her focus, and her loyalty to John, to the team, and to the company.

The role of an empathic listener is to be supportive, kind and caring.

Listen carefully and without judgment. Interject occasionally to show that you've understood what's being said. Where appropriate, repeat key phrases to encourage the speaker to open up.

Pay attention to what's not being said, too. Take note of the speaker's emotional state, their tone of voice, and their body language.

And, when you successfully win their trust and confidence, make sure that you respect it.

Hearing and listening are not the same. You hear music, the sound of rainfall, or the sound of food being prepared in the kitchen. Listening, on the other hand, requires attention, comprehension of the message that’s being relayed, and recollection of what’s been said.

Benefits of Being a Good Listener

There are numerous benefits associated with being a good listener. People with refined listening skills can help others feel secure in expressing their opinions. They may also be better able to reduce tension during arguments and communicate respect to the speaker. Other potential benefits include being more likable, building stronger relationships, and having a clearer understanding of what’s being discussed.

• Good listeners are more likable. Individuals with strong listening skills are present in the conversation. People who listen with focus are often perceived as more likable.
• Good listeners build stronger relationships. Communication is not a one-way street. Good listeners show interest, ask open-ended questions, and acknowledge what’s being said. This helps reduce misunderstandings and builds stronger relationships.
• Good listeners have a clearer understanding of the topics being discussed. Individuals with refined listening skills seek to fully understand a speaker’s message. They pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues and ask for clarification when needed.

Strategies for Effective Listening

Listening isn’t a passive activity, but a process that you actively undertake. To be a better listener, you must be focused on the speaker, their message, and let the speaker know you understand what’s been said. Below are just a few of the techniques you can use to become a better listener.

• Make eye contact. Making and maintaining eye contact with the speaker lets them know they have your undivided attention. Put your phone on silent and put it away, and turn off your radio and TV. If you’re in a Zoom meeting, set your status to “do not disturb” and minimize other browser windows. Looking at your smartphone or scanning the room can make you seem uninterested and interrupt your ability to concentrate on what you are hearing.
• Ask follow-up questions. If the speaker’s message is unclear, ask clarifying questions to gain more information. You can also ask confirming questions, such as “I want to make sure I got that right. It sounds like you’re saying Is that correct?” This can help you gauge if you’ve received the message accurately. If you’re engaged with a teacher, colleague, or manager, take notes and leave room for silence. This allows you to take a beat and process the information you’ve received before asking for more information.
• Be present and attentive. Good listeners are attentive and engaged in the moment. They shut out distractions and give their undivided attention to the speaker. Additionally, using positive minimal response, such as nodding, touch, or through sound, also shows you’re listening and actively engaged with the speaker.
• Don’t interrupt. When you interrupt, it communicates that you don’t care about what’s being said. Interrupting can also make it appear as if you’re uninterested in the subject matter and were looking for a moment to interject.

Examples of Ineffective Listening

Ineffective listeners aren’t engaged, don’t make eye contact, and often miss what’s being presented. Ineffective listening strategies you should avoid include selective listening, inattentiveness, and defensive listening.

• Selective listening. Selective listening is like listening with a highlighter. Instead of considering the totality of the speaker’s message, selective listeners only pay attention to the parts they think are most relevant to them.
• Inattentive listeners don’t give speakers their full attention. They’re often distracted and focused on other things, which can mean missing most of what the speaker is saying.
• Defensive listening. Defensive listeners hear innocent statements, such as “I don’t like people who are indecisive,” and perceive them as personal attacks. Defensive listening can cause strain in both personal and professional relationships.

4 Types of Listening

Listening skills can be developed, but it takes practice. Whether you’re interested in improving your networking, landing a new client, or connecting better with your family, strong listening skills can help. Below are just a few effective listening styles.

1. Deep Listening

Deep listening occurs when you’re committed to understanding the speaker’s perspective. It involves paying attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues, such as the words being used, the speaker’s body language, and their tone. This type of listening helps build trust and rapport, and it helps others feel comfortable in expressing their thoughts and opinions.

2. Full Listening

Full listening involves paying close and careful attention to what the speaker is conveying. It often involves the use of active listening techniques, such as paraphrasing what’s been said to the person you’re speaking with to ensure you understand their messaging. Full listening is useful in the classroom, when someone is instructing you on how to complete a task, and when discussing work projects with superiors.

3. Critical Listening

Critical listening involves using systematic reasoning and careful thought to analyze a speaker’s message and separate fact from opinion. Critical listening is often useful in situations when speakers may have a certain agenda or goal, such as watching political debates, or when a salesperson is pitching a product or service.

4. Therapeutic Listening

Therapeutic listening means allowing a friend, colleague, or family member to discuss their problems. It involves emphasizing and applying supportive nonverbal cues, such as nodding and maintaining eye contact, in addition to empathizing with their experiences.

Become a Better Listener

Becoming a better listener takes practice, but if you succeed, you’ll find yourself learning new and interesting things about the people you communicate with. You may also find you’re better at picking up subtle messaging cues others may miss.

A number of specific strategies can be applied to listening, but they all share one key element: being present and attentive during conversations and respectful of those involved. This ability can help you be a more effective partner, parent, student, and coworker.

Recommended Reading

Time Management for Online Students

What to Do if You Don’t Get That Promotion

How to Stand Out as a Career Nomad

Sources

The Balance Careers, “Types of Listening Skills with Examples”

Customer Service Institute of America, “8 Examples of Effective Listening”

Indeed, Building Communication Skills: 9 Types of Listening

Roger K. Allen, Deep Listening

Silver Delta, 5 Benefits of Being a Great Listener

ThoughtCo. The Definition of Listening and How to Do It Well

Very Well Mind, “How to Practice Active Listening”