What are at least 4 warning signs of dating violence that your friend should be aware of and watch for?

Dating abuse is a pattern of abusive behaviors used by one person in a dating relationship to exert power and control over a dating partner. The power and control wheel below shows many of the tactics that may be used by an abusive partner to try to control the other person.

What are at least 4 warning signs of dating violence that your friend should be aware of and watch for?

Warning Signs of Dating Violence

For the person being abused:

  • Intense jealousy or possessiveness from their dating partner
  • Change in mood or character (depression, moodiness, tendency to be argumentative)
  • Often checks in with partner
  • Unexplained marks on the body (bruises, scratches, burns)
  • Deferring to the partner's every wish
  • Often apologizing for the partner's behavior
  • Poorer academic performance
  • Isolation from friends and family
  • Gets visibly upset after phone calls or dates with dating partner
  • Is afraid of making partner angry
  • Describes being "punished" by an angry partner (through silence, humiliation, or force)

For the perpetrator:

  • Gets violent when angry
  • Talks disrespectfully about dating partner, puts down dating partner
  • Brags about having total control over partner
  • Dates other people but doesn't allow partner to do so
  • Gets angry after phone calls or dates with partner
  • Is obsessed with partner's actions
  • Tries to exert control over family members
  • Discusses violent behavior as normal
  • Gets in fights with others, including those of the same sex
  • Has criminal record of abuse
  • Acts out violence toward pets or inanimate objects (for example, kicks dog or punches walls)
  • Talks about getting even with others
  • Blames problems on others or outside circumstances
  • Believes jealousy is a sign of love

Romantic relationships between teenagers are incredibly complicated. The undertaking of a relationship, very often, requires more maturity than most teens have developed. These relationships are more likely to be riddled with problems include communication, jealousy, and selflessness.

As a result, teenagers are more likely to be involved in relationships that are unhealthy, violent, and/or abusive. If you are a teenager involved in a romantic relationship it is important to understand the behaviors that may point to an unhealthy and/or abusive relationship.

Reg Flags in Teenage Relationships

Unhealthy or abusive relationships take many forms, and there is not one specific behavior that causes a relationship to be categorized as such. However, there are certain behaviors that should be cause for concern. Behaviors that should raise a red flag include:

  •      Excessive jealousy or insecurity;
  •      Invasions of your privacy;
  •      Unexpected bouts of anger or rage;
  •      Unusual moodiness;
  •      Pressuring a partner into unwanted sexual activity;
  •      Blaming you for problems in the relationship and not taking any responsibility for the same;
  •      Controlling tendencies;
  •      Explosive temper;
  •      Preventing you from going out with or talking to other people;
  •      Constantly monitoring your whereabouts and checking in to see what you are doing and who you are with;
  •      Falsely accusing you of things;
  •      Vandalizing or ruining your personal property;
  •      Taunting or bullying; or
  •      Threatening or causing physical violence.

If your partner frequently engages in these behaviors it may be wise to speak with someone with whom you feel comfortable. Adults who have experience with relationships may be able to provide advice that can help you to determine if you are in any danger.

If You Think You Are in an Abusive Relationship

If your partner exhibits any of the behaviors outlined above, or if your partner has physically harmed you in any way, there are many things you can do. Trust your gut – if you think you are in danger or in an unhealthy relationship, you should end it. If you are afraid of confronting your partner, or fearful of what they may say or do, there are numerous resources you can contact for help, guidance, or counseling. If you think you are in an abusive relationship, you should consider:

  •      Reaching out to a trusted friend, teacher, parent, or mentor;
  •      Spending more time with individual with whom you are comfortable;
  •      Getting involved with activities you enjoy that will allow you to associate with positive people;
  •      Seek the guidance of a school counselor or therapist; or
  •      Calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233).

Studies have found that negative or abusive behaviors in unhealthy relationships are more likely to increase over time. Abuse escalates as the relationship progresses, and victims are more likely to sustain substantial injuries or harm. If you believe that you may be in an abusive or unhealthy relationship do not hesitate to ask for help. Teenage dating violence is more common than you know; you are not alone.

Some of the signs of domestic abuse, such as physical marks, may be easy to identify. Others may be things you can easily explain away or overlook—say, chalking up a friend's skipping out on an activity you once enjoyed together as being due to a simple loss of interest.

Domestic abuse affects each person differently, but it impacts everyone both physically and psychologically. It's often an aggregate of related signs of domestic abuse that tip someone off that a person is at risk.

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone regardless of their social, educational, or financial status. While red flags aren't always proof that someone is being mistreated in this way, they are worth knowing. Many who are abused may try to cover up what is happening to them for a variety of reasons, and it goes without saying that these individuals could benefit from help.

If someone is being physically abused, they will likely have frequent bruises or physical injuries consistent with being punched, choked, or knocked down—and they'll likely have a weak or inconsistent explanation for these injuries.

Some signs of physical abuse include:

  • Black eyes
  • Bruises on the arms
  • Busted lips
  • Red or purple marks on the neck
  • Sprained wrists

It's also common for someone to try to cover up the physical signs with clothing. For example, you may notice that someone you care about is wearing long sleeves or scarves in the hot summer. Wearing heavier than normal makeup or donning sunglasses inside are also common signs of domestic abuse.

Abuse occurs when one person in a relationship attempts to dominate and control the other person. Usually, the control begins with psychological or emotional abuse, then escalates to physical abuse. When domestic abuse includes physical violence, it's termed domestic violence.

Domestic abuse, of course, can take a serious emotional toll, creating a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, or despair. Domestic abuse can cause people to believe that they will never escape the control of the abuser. They may also exhibit a constant state of alertness to the point they never can completely relax.

Other emotional signs of abuse include:

  • Agitation, anxiety, or constant apprehension
  • Changes in sleep habits (sleeping too much or not enough)
  • Developing a drug or alcohol problem
  • Extremely apologetic or meek
  • Loss of interest in daily activities
  • Low self-esteem
  • Seeming fearful
  • Symptoms of depression
  • Talking about or attempting suicide

These symptoms, of course, could be due to many other conditions or factors, but they are typical of domestic abuse victims who feel they are trapped in an abusive relationship.

If you notice that someone who was once outgoing and cheerful has gradually become quiet and withdrawn, it could be a sign of domestic abuse.

You may notice that the person:

  • Becomes reserved and distant
  • Begins isolating themselves by cutting off contacts with friends and family members
  • Cancels appointments or meetings with you at the last minute
  • Drops out of activities they would usually enjoy
  • Exhibits excessive privacy concerning their personal life or the person with whom they're in a relationship
  • Is often late to work or other appointments

People who are being abused may seem anxious or nervous when they are away from the abuser, or they may seem overly anxious to please their partner. If they have children, the children may seem timid, frightened, or extremely well-behaved when the partner is around.

Although victims may not talk about the actual abuse, they might refer to the abuser as "moody" or having a bad temper. They may reveal that the partner is particularly bad-tempered when drinking alcohol.

Sometimes, the fear a victim of abuse experiences is so intense they feel paralyzed to make decisions or to even protect themselves or their children. When the fear gets to that point, they will even turn down help offered to them by friends, family, or even professional protective services.

Domestic abuse is not about violence, it's all about control. If you notice that someone seems to be controlled or extremely manipulated in all areas of their life, it could be a sign they are being abused at some level.

Here are some examples of control:

  • Asking permission to go anywhere or to meet and socialize with other people
  • Constant calls, texts, or tracking by their partner wanting to know where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with
  • Having very little money available to them, not having access to a credit card, or having to account for every penny spent
  • Not having access to a vehicle
  • Referring to their partner as "jealous" or "possessive," or always accusing them of having affairs

Helping someone who is the victim of domestic abuse is a delicate matter. By learning some of the warning signs, you can feel more comfortable offering a sympathetic ear and seizing the opportunity to help a victim of domestic abuse or violence.

If you are experiencing domestic abuse and these signs are all too familiar, know that what's happening to you is not your fault. You are not alone and help is available.