More and more of us are turning to therapy and find it a valuable experience. But it can be difficult to know whether your therapist is behaving in a way that's appropriate - or if they're as well-qualified as they claim. Speaking to FEMAIL, Dr Alison McClymont, a British trained psychologist with over 10 years of experience, has revealed the red flags everyone should be aware of. She said: 'It has been my life's honour to be a therapist, there is no greater privilege in life than to have somebody share their story with you. 'Over the years however, I have heard some stories where a therapist is either not fully aware of the professional boundaries which we need to sit within, is making inappropriate judgements that reflect their need for therapy, or simply just not doing a very good job.' Here, Dr McClymont reveals the situations that should give you pause for thought, from not pronouncing your name correctly to being late for a session. If any of the following phrases apply to your current therapist then it could be time for a change...  If your couple's therapist encourages you to stay together/separate/have more sex… For any couples therapist that didn't get therapeutic boundaries 101 please repeat this to them: It is not your place to mediate or adjudicate an argument. You are not a family court judge, you do not have the right to make a comment on who is the 'better' partner, who is the 'better parent' and definitely not how much sex or what type of sex somebody should be having. If you think this is your role- please revisit your own professional boundaries, and your own need for control. A couple's therapist is there to facilitate a conversation, to offer reflections, and to provide a safe space for both partners to talk. It is inappropriate for them to allow one party more time than the other to speak, it is also inappropriate if you feel that the therapist is blatantly 'taking sides'. If you feel this, point it out. Have a discussion about it in the session. This can be very helpful material. Red flag: The couples therapist who says 'You two should split up/stay together'. Couples therapists aren't there to make a judgement, they are there to aid a conversation. If your couple's therapist speaks about what you said in confidence… As a mental health professional, couples therapists have boundaries to uphold around reporting imminent risk, particularly in relation to children. They must not agree to keep any secrets whatsoever that relate to child welfare, threatened suicide or harm to another. You as the client, should be told in the very first session, and be under no illusions about, what is never kept confidential. If you don't know - ask immediately! Red flag: ' X in our individual session your said this about Y', shall we discuss that?' If the therapist informs your partner, without your consent, of something you have told them outside of the session. This is inappropriate. If your therapist has conversations with another party about you - this is inappropriate. Your partner's session is about them and yours is about you. If your therapist says they are 'always available'… Now this may not sound like a red flag, it may even sound wonderful if you are in the middle of a crisis. It is not. It is a therapist who is either untrained in professional boundaries or needs to do more work on themselves around the capacity they truly have to 'help'. Red flag: The therapist who takes calls at all hours. It is extremely important for the safety of the client, the therapist and the therapeutic relationship that the work stays in the room. Experienced therapists will be able to manage occasional out of session contact, appropriately and professionally. This is their job however, not yours. You should never feel that your therapist initiates contact with you outside of the session (unless it is related to administrative tasks such as billing or scheduling), and you should be clear around what is considered reasonable contact in order to maintain clinical boundaries. I would be hugely concerned about a therapist who welcomes long WhatsApp conversations at 3am, or encourages multiple emails in one day, or impromptu phone conversations. If you know too much about your therapist's life… You may love your therapist; they may feel the same about you. Indeed, I remember all of my patients with love and affection (even the challenging ones!) and I have nothing but the deepest hopes of health, happiness and blessings for them. However, the nature of our relationship has been that I have had to maintain a boundary. I cannot go out for coffee with them, I cannot accept gifts from them, I cannot call them up for a 'chat'. Even when I would have liked to! I would not approach them in the street (I always tell them if they want to come and say hi to me, they are welcome to, but I will never approach them). Red flag: 'When I was in therapy I discovered I had a fear of abandonment…' The over-sharing therapist who wants to tell you about their experience in therapy. Self-disclosure (the revealing of personal information by a therapist to a patient) should be done only when therapeutically appropriate and extremely sparingly. No therapist should be using your session to tell you about their life, their individual therapy, their problems or their traumatic experiences. This is a huge red flag. The session should always relate to you and your experiences. If you are feeling sad for or the desire to console your therapist… this is inappropriate. If your therapist makes judgmental comments about your appearance/social status/education/job/culture... Therapists are human beings and we are all guilty of stereotyping and prejudices. However, there is absolutely no place in therapy for someone to be commenting on your clothing choice, your educational background, your accent, your culture or your religion. A therapist who is a different race, culture or who identifies as a different sexuality to gender to you, should be consistently mindful in their language and interpretation in order to check they are not making snap judgments or prejudices. They should confirm with you that any commentary they make about your experiences is consistent with your own beliefs and understanding. Red flag: A therapist who says your name wrong. The words we use as a therapist are everything, a good therapist should be an intent listener and always be looking to ensure that they are pronouncing correctly and using accurate phrases to reflect back your experiences. They should not make sweeping statements about your culture/race/religion/or gender without checking your interpretation first, and they should never need to be corrected more than once about the pronunciation of a name. Someone who does not do this is not listening properly. A therapist who is consistently late…. When I was trained, if you weren't there 15 minutes before the patient you were late. Yes, in my decade as a therapist I have had sessions overrun and I have had flat tyres that have made me late but this is not the norm. A therapist who is consistently running in to your session or allows your session to overrun is not holding their boundaries appropriately. Red flag: You are consistently there in the room before your therapist. A therapist has one thing they can truly give and that is their time, if they are repeatedly late or over-running, this is a huge no. A therapist who suggests things that are uncomfortable... I hope I don't have to say, that no therapist should be making any form of physical contact with you unless it is consented to and has a clinically appropriate reason. But equally no therapist should be attempting to 'break you defences'. Boundaries are not walls to be broken down! I have seen too many times the over eager or inexperienced therapist trying to get to the 'heart of the issue' when the client simply isn't ready yet. This is pointless, therapeutically ineffective and an abuse of power on the therapist's part. Psychological defences have been built over a long period of time and even if they are unhelpful, their intent was to keep you safe. It is wildly inappropriate for a therapist to attempt to bulldoze these or ask you to confront these before you are ready- this can have disastrous consequences Red flag: The therapist tells you, you 'need to do this'. No, you do not, if an activity or exercise feels too soon, overwhelming or uncomfortable. Don't do it. You don't have to answer their questions and you don't have to do their suggested activities. Sure, they might have great reasons for suggesting them, but if it is too soon for you then they should immediately back away and respect that. That should tell your therapist that the relationship is 'not there' yet and they need to be respectful of your boundaries. Dr Alison McClymont at www.dralisonmcclymont.com |
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