When a cat of a bonded pair dies?

Pet loss and grief can be difficult and heartbreaking for people, but it can be an even greater challenge to help the surviving pets deal with pet loss. Cats do, indeed, grieve.

They cannot tell us how they feel. And the owners in the family may overlook behavior changes while dealing with their own sense of loss. Not every pet will react at all, while a percentage seems to suffer greatly. When pets grieve, they usually show their sense of loss with behavior changes. In fact, separation anxiety is one form of grief--your cat only understands someone she loves is gone.

The surviving pets often begin to act differently when their companion cat or dog first becomes sick or starts to decline. For people, this can be a time of preparation, and some of our grieving may be done well in advance of the pet’s actual death. Dr. Barbara Kitchell, a veterinary cancer specialist, says that grief counseling often is part of what caring veterinarians naturally do.

We can’t know if surviving pets realize their companion animal friends will soon die, but they certainly do act as though aware a change has--or will--occur. In fact, many sensitive cats (and dogs) react to their owners’ emotional upset and grieve in response to our own changes of behavior over the heartache.

The surviving pet may seem withdrawn and depressed. Often their personality changes and a shy cat could become more demanding of attention, while a demanding cat instead hides.

One of the most heartbreaking situations occurs when the surviving pet cries and looks everywhere for the missing loved one. This futile, heartbreaking search can go on for weeks.

Although it sounds macabre, sometimes it may be helpful to allow the surviving pet to say “goodbye” to the body after a furry friend has died. They may sniff and examine the body, cry or ignore it all together--and any reaction should be considered normal. That’s the only way we can explain to them what has happened to their friend, and why a beloved cat- or dog-friend has disappeared from their life. Viewing the friend's body allows them a chance to understand he's not coming back. They still grieve but hopefully aren't driven to look for their missing buddy.

People go through several stages of grief--denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance--but not necessarily in this order. While anthropomorphic to think pets might “bargain” (I’ll let you have my catnip toy if only you come back!) it’s certainly within the realm of possibility that they might feel anger or depression over the loss. Pets do in fact seem to finally work through the situation to acceptance--it takes some pets much longer than others just as people get over a loss in different time frames.

Many of the same things we do for each other can help our pets. Dr. Wallace Sife, a psychologist, and author of “The Loss of a Pet” says to allow the grieving and even validate it with each other by simply offering compassion and support.

How do you help your pets manage grief? Simply being with them for extra one-on-one time can help.

• Talk to them: Try to be positive around your grieving pets. They may not understand the words but will pick up on your emotions. Simply say, I’m sad, and I feel awful, but it’s not your fault--and I know you feel awful, too. You’ll want to avoid babying, though, because that can reward the pet for acting depressed.
• Play music, particularly uplifting, faster tempos to lift depression: Harp music can have a soothing effect. But any music that your pet associates with positive times could be helpful.
• Use antidepressants: The herb St. John’s Wort can as a natural antidepressant for some conditions in people. Since it can affect the excretion of other drugs and must be dosed according to body weight, consult your veterinarian for advice on its use. If the depression doesn’t lift and lasts too long, your veterinarian may be able to prescribe a stronger antidepressant drug.

Give your cat the gift of time to grieve. It hurts terribly--for you as well as your surviving pet. Still, the capacity to grieve honors the memory of the departed, and is a measure of the depth of our love. And that truly is a legacy to celebrate.

After the death of a pet, it is advisable to keep the normal daily routine of any remaining pets in the household as unchanged as possible. Maintaining normal meal times, for example, can provide some stability during this difficult time. The more consistent, predictable and familiar the home environment the easier it is for the remaining pet to adjust to changes in their family structure.

For anxious and stressed cats, some behaviouralists advocate the use of pheromones (available in sprays and atomizers from veterinary clinics) as a way of alleviating anxiety and stress. These pheromones mimic the cheek-marking pheromone which cats produce naturally and may have a calming effect on the cat.

Once your cat has been allowed a period of adjustment, you might consider getting another companion cat, if your remaining cat is used to having feline company. The way in which cats relate to each other is very much on an individual basis.

Some adult cats may be more likely to accept a kitten, possibly because the kitten is younger and smaller. Other adult cats may find kittens too active and playful which may be a bit overwhelming for an older cat. If you think this applies to your cat, you might consider getting another adult cat. There are many cases where two adult cats have become friendly companions. If you do decide to get another kitten or cat please consider adoption first (see the RSPCA Smart Kitten and Cat Buyer’s Guide for information).

It’s very important to keep a close eye on the remaining cat. Make sure they are eating and drinking as usual; urinating and defaecating normally and monitor their body weight and condition to check for any weight loss. Sometimes cats can have a concurrent medical problem which may be interpreted as a grief response only (behavioural). If there are any signs of illness please contact your vet who can rule out any underlying medical causes.

Published: 6/10/2021When a cat loses a feline friend or a human family member, what do they feel? Do they experience sadness or grief? Do they understand death as something permanent? And if they are capable of grieving, how long do they mourn the loss of a loved one?

Do Cats Grieve?

Cats have a reputation for being aloof and solitary, but they are actually social critters who form deep attachments to people and other animals. While it’s not certain if they perceive death the same way we do, cats do grieve when they lose a human or animal companion, usually exhibiting behavioral changes in response to the fluctuations in their life.  

In 1996, the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals conducted a study called the Companion Animal Mourning Project. The study found that: 

• 46% of cats experienced a decrease in appetite after a feline companion passed away.
• Roughly 70% of cats showed changes in vocal patterns. Some meowed more often while others became more quiet than normal. 
• More than 50% of cats became clingy and more affectionate with their humans.
• Many cats slept more than usual, while some had difficulty falling asleep. 
• Some felines changed the location of where they normally slept. 
• 65% of cats experienced at least 4 behavioral changes following the loss of an animal companion.

How Long Do Cats Grieve?

According to cat behavior counselor Vicky Halls, there are three stages of feline grief. The first stage is where the cat attempts to find the loved one who has passed away. Signs include excessive vocalizing, pacing, and searching. This active but relatively short-term phase is then followed by a more passive one—a second stage where depression sets in and the cat becomes withdrawn. The third and final stage is acceptance, and this is usually where any permanent changes in the cat’s character become evident, such as becoming more friendly toward their humans. 

It can take anywhere from days to months for a cat to go through these three stages. The ASPCA study had similar findings, stating that all cats who had lost a companion returned to normal within six months.

Helping Your Cat Cope With Grief

A cat who is dealing with the loss of a family member, whether human or animal, will need extra attention and reassurance during the mourning period. Here are some ways you can help your cat through the grieving process: 

1. Keep everything the same. Changing your cat’s feeding times or even moving furniture around can add to their stress. Minimize change in the household to give your cat some sense of continuity amidst these confusing times. Try to be as normal as possible around them, and don’t be too hasty in removing the deceased’s belongings. 
2. Spend more time with your cat. Playing with your cat or even just sitting together on the couch can divert their attention and give your feline friend some much-needed comfort. 
3. Enrich their environment. Offering new toys and treats may help reduce your cat’s newfound clinginess. Hiding treats around the house for them to find during the day will also keep them busy while you’re gone. 
4. Limit outdoor access. If your cat had access to the outdoors, keep them inside as they may try to search for the departed individual, which could lead them to unfamiliar territory and dangerous situations.

Common Questions

Should I let my cat see the body?

Some people have reported that their cats stopped searching for a deceased feline companion after being shown the body. If you feel that it would help your cat, then there is no harm in doing so. 

Should I get another cat?

If your cat is grieving the loss of a feline friend, don’t rush to find a replacement right away. Your cat is unlikely to welcome a stranger while they are still adjusting to the loss of their companion. Give them time to grieve, and wait for a few months to see if they really need a new friend. Introducing a new cat at this time will only make an already stressful situation more stressful. 

What happens in a multi-cat household? 

If a cat in a multi-cat household passes away, the remaining felines will eventually work out a new hierarchy. This is part of the grieving process and it’s recommended to let it happen without any human intervention.

When should I take my cat to the vet?

Just like us, our feline companions need time to process the loss of a dear friend or family member. Let your cat grieve and be there for them during this difficult period.