Boyfriend has no social life Reddit

I've been dating a man for 4 months now and I've been having uncertainties about the relationship. Him being older, he's ready to settle and have kids. I too want to start a family but I've been wrestling with my feelings. Truth be told, he's much more into me than I am into him.

What I like: smart, sweet, stable, incredibly thoughtful.

What he lacks: lack of social network and hobbies. It's as if he puts ALL his energy into the relationship and nothing else. When we hang out it's always with my friends. The few close friends that he talks about doesn't live anywhere nearby.

I've been struggling with whether this is a legitimate deal breaker. I'm no social butterfly myself, but I think it's absolutely necessary to have friends and a community of some sort. And at our age (mid-late 30s), I feel like you're kind of set in your ways...it's not something you easily change in a person.

Throughout these past 4 months, I haven't felt a strong attraction to him if I compare him to my most recent ex. Because I've been on the fence for months, he wants to end things if I can't decide whether I can commit to this long term. I feel like he's a great guy to have a nice, stable life with...kids, a comfortable house, financial security. At the same time, I'm afraid that I'll start to feel resentment later in life. Physically, I'm so-so attracted to him.

TLDR: Guy I'm dating is missing some qualities that i really want, am I settling if I think this is good enough for a life partner...?

I've dated people who haven't had big social lives, but they still had friends when they wanted to do things. They didn't rely on me for constant socialization and would go out with their friends every once and a while to do.. whatever. I don't know. Haha.

Along with this, they enjoyed doing activities outside their home. Maybe not parties, but they could deal with hanging out with my friends, concerts, movies or restaurants. They could talk easily with my parents and make smalltalk with my female friends. As long as they knew how to socialize and were up for it, it would be okay.

A lot of the issue with little social life is that they have little life in general. No hobbies, solid interests, no new experiences. If they're busy editing videos or going to baseball games or reading books, that makes having a social life not matter as much to me as long as they're doing something and enjoying it.

Posted by9 months ago

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Me (25F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been together for 2 months now. It´´` has been really great and I really like him, but there is a small issue. Ha has a LOT of friends, and has plans almost every night. He goes out drinking with his friends, while I stay at home and watch youtube videos. I dont have a lot of friends, and the few I do have are also his, meanwhile he has lots of different friend groups. It makes me really upset when he always has plans, and I sit alone at home. Its not that he dosent make time for me, he does, and we hang out multiple times a week - and I understand that we cant be together every single night. But I just feel so lonely when he´ is out having fun and Im home alone. I also dont feel like I can ask to join all the time, because most of the things he goes to is with an organization that Im not a part of and also cant join because Im not a student. This is really making me struggle with the relationship, because I feel so lonely all the time. What can I do?

He's not boring or socially inept, he just doesn't seem to have a regular circle of friends and spends most of his time alone or with acquaintances.

I feel like I have trouble getting into relationships with girls because there's this expectation that I should have a sprawling social circle. I'm working on it but it's tough. We'll meet and have a great time, but I don't know where to take it when the girl eventually insists that we should "hang out with your friends".

Should the guy just be open about his situation?

I [F20] have been with my boyfriend [M20] for two and a half years now. I should start by prefacing that as a partner, he is amazing. He supports me in all my endeavors and is always my number one cheerleader. For a long time, I suffered from low self-esteem and confidence problems and he was always there to prop me up and provide words of support whenever I needed it. Also, he is adamant about the fact that I should be pursing the things I love and never discourages me from being with the people I love or doing the things I love.

Despite this, over the past 2 years, it became clear to me that he had no real interests and no real friends. He has no desire for things outside of the relationship and when asked what he wants in life, he always states, “for you to be happy.” In his free time, he games and listens to music, both of which he says he does simply to pass the time, rather than out of love for either one. When we first met, he had talked about being depressed in the past. He feared that his lack of passion or emotion toward people and things made him sub-human and he would often cry about feeling less-than because of this. Ever since we started dating, he hasn’t had these crying fits and he says he is happier than he has ever been. While I love him and am glad to be with him, the fact that he has nothing meaningful outside the relationship worries me and I am scared to bring this up as this would confirm his beliefs that his lack of passion is problematic.

Due to having a rough childhood growing up, he doesn’t have a close relationship with his parents and siblings and is not interested in having one. When I am over, I can tell that his family is trying to reach out to him, but he is dismissive at these attempts. He states that he doesn’t hate them, but rather feels indifferent toward them. Additionally, he states that it is far too late for them to pursue a relationship with him after they had neglected him so much while he was growing up.

In terms of friends, he has no meaningful connections with those around him. He has online friends that he games with but, when asked, he will say that he feels no real connection with them and he wouldn’t miss them if they were to disappear one day. If we were to get married, I feel as if he wouldn’t have anyone on his side come to the wedding.

Due to all this, it makes it hard for him to connect with my friends. I am the type to hold my friends and family very dearly and it pains me to see that the two don’t get along. Since he doesn’t have any real interests, he finds it tiresome and boring to talk with people about these sorts of things. Additionally, he has the type of personality that can be “hard” to get along with in my social circles. We grew up in two very different social circles. I grew up in a very traditional, conservative household and he basically grew up on the internet so we have experiences with different crowds. Because of this, I feel as if he doesn’t know quite how to assimilate into my friend group and I end up feelings bad for bringing him to outings since I feel like it is uncomfortable for both parties and in order for them to get along, I would have to ask him to pretend to be someone that he isn’t.

Additionally, I do feel the pressure of being the sole supplier of his happiness. He won’t ever do things for himself and it can be hard to be the only person ever making plans or ever wanting to do something. I wish he had the passion and motivation to want to do things for himself. Also, I feel that if I were to ever break up with him, I would be taking away the one thing in life that brings him joy. I just wish he would be able to latch onto something or someone else that he finds value in his life other than myself. He never had anything in the past and I fear that he will never find something in the future.

What should I do?

TL;DR! - My boyfriend does not have any meaningful passions or interests. The work that he does is meant simply to pass the time and the one thing that brings him joy in life is seeing me happy and he does everything in his power to do that. He also does not have any real friends and this combination has made it hard for him to get along with my friends. The pressure of being his sole supplier of happiness has also been a great source of stress for me.