Kate Back with the ex Instagram

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May 21, 2019 | 3:36pm

Pete Davidson decided to engage with ex Kate Beckinsale‘s social media in the middle of the night.

The “Saturday Night Live” star, 25, followed Beckinsale, 45, on Instagram at around 3 a.m. ET Tuesday and “liked” a photo of her with her parents. Although they broke up in April, it appears they’re trying to be amicable, as “The Widow” actress followed him back in return.

Sources confirmed to Page Six that the unlikely couple split after a few months of dating because of Davidson’s public lifestyle.

The Vulnerability

When I coach and consult people who want to be Instagram Influencers I explain: to be a good influencer, you have to sell a little part of your soul. When I searched for the definition of an Instagram Influencer, it showed me this: Influencers are Instagram users who have an established credibility and audience; who can persuade others by virtue of their trustworthiness and authenticity. This is where the ‘soul selling’ comes in. To allow someone to trust you and to establish your credibility and honesty, you need to be vulnerable. No one is going to trust the words of someone who rocks up, throws a toothpaste recommendation at you, and walks away. To persuade, you must open up. To influence other people’s action, you need to be authentic.

The vulnerability required of being an Instagram Influencer is the most taxing part of my job.

I’m constantly deciding what to keep to myself and what to share with literally thousands of strangers on the internet.

Strangers know my favourite deodorant. Strangers know how I fold my clothes. Strangers know what way I sleep on Thursday nights (if you know, you know). Strangers know that I drink a decaf coffee most evenings in a ceramic mug given to me by my friend Laura. Strangers know more about me than my grandparents do.

Ironically, being vulnerable online is also one of my favourite parts of the job; I get to connect and develop relationships with individuals all over the world - because when I share vulnerably, others with shared experiences speak up too. On the flip side, others without shared experience, who disagree with what I have to say, come at me hot and heavy.

Being vulnerable opens yourself up to constant critique. I’m not just talking about the key board warriors who like to ask me if I’m going vegan now that my bird has just died. I’m also talking about the constant messages of self improvement. “If you use X tool it will be easier to do that.” “You should really be wearing earmuffs.” “This brand is better in my opinion.” “Here’s a recipe to X which will be better than your current one.” Again, this element of Instagram Influencing is one of my favourites (I am so grateful for a helpful community who share helping insights with me!) but it’s also difficult to handle when it comes at me 24/7. Sometimes I crave messing something up and learning from my own experiences. Sometimes I am nearly offended when I talk about the ‘buckwheat glue’ I eat for breakfast and then everyone comes in with recipes, assuming I don’t like my weird buckwheat glue.

Instagram Influencing comes with a vulnerability that takes away a piece of your innocence. Because of these moments of critique I feel tougher in my emotions, more resilient, and strong. I’m grateful for the lessons this job has taught me, but this growth has come with the loss of an innocent part of me that I mourn.

The Energy

Now you know I receive around 100 messages a day, how do you think that impacts my energy and my capacity to talk to the people in the real world? Your guess is probably right. It’s not great.

The emotional energy I spend being an Instagram Influencer negatively impacts my capacity to be a good friend and family member. After 100s of messages and comments a day, I am less likely to ring a friend and see how they’re doing. I’m less able to have a constructive conversation with my husband after work. My capacity for social interaction is shortened, even though I may not have talked to someone in real life that day. I am incredibly aware of this and try my best to check in on my friends and family, plus I honestly ask them if they feel these effects too.

The drastic energy expenditure I’m referring to also comes from tying your self to your business. I know most people have jobs that zap a lot of energy from them, but I’m talking about the particular energy that comes from your business and self being one. They are the same thing. I cannot untie the two even if I tried (if I tried, I wouldn’t be an Instagram Influencer). So I can never ‘leave work’. Everything that happens in my work is attached to ME rather than a business entity that I can hide behind or switch off (even though Ethically Kate is a business that does many things beyond Instagram Influencing). It’s exhausting.

I fell into Instagram Influencing because I was devastated by the fact no one was talking about who made their clothes. I used Instagram as a communication tool to help people understand that their clothes are made by people who deserve to be paid fairly (and that a $7 top doesn’t actually make any logical sense). I had no intent of being an Instagram Influencer, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I am willing to give up a lot if it means I can influence people to find joy in sustainable living, be kind to other people, and make positive impact. I love my work. I love my online community. But next time someone assumes Instagram Influencing is just snapping a picture… I might scream.