Message to someone in a bad mood

Relationships

Be your BFF's mood booster.

Updated: March 3, 2022

Originally Published: April 21, 2021

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Ever need to think of things to say to cheer someone up over text when they’re having a bad day, but can’t quite figure out what to say? Because... same. When you know a friend is frustrated or upset, it can be tough to land on the right words. And yet, as long as you’re reaching out with something, you’re already off to a good start in terms of helping them feel better.

“A text will remind the person that you are thinking about them, that they are cared about, and that you’re there if they need you,” Dr. Tari Mack, a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. Whether you send along a message that’s funny, supportive, or filled with inspiration — or maybe all of the above — it will serve as a much-needed bright spot in their day.

That said, you won’t want to dismiss how this person is feeling by being too nonchalant via text, especially if they’re having a genuinely tough time. So, anything beyond a run-of-the-mill bad day warrants a phone call or visit in person so you don’t risk brushing them off or invalidating their feelings.

With that in mind, here’s how to cheer someone up over text when they’re down in the dumps, having a bad day at work, or simply feeling “blah” — below are 16 expert-approved examples.

“*Ahem* Presenting, the top 10 things I appreciate about you:”

If you’re trying to make someone happy over text, send this message and then start listing the things you love about them, from their amazing taste in music to the fact they’ve been your friend for years — and everything in between.

“This text will make them feel good because they will feel really seen, which is what we all want,” says Mack. It’ll also serve as a cute distraction from whatever’s got them down, if only for a moment.

“You’ve been there for me when I’m down, so please let me know if I can return the favor in any way. Love you!”

According to Mack, this text is a subtle way to remind the person how caring and amazing they are and how much their friendship means to you. Follow up by letting them know you’ll be there to return the favor should they want to text back, call, or meet up to vent.

“I can imagine how you're feeling, but most of all want you to know I'm here to listen. How are you doing? What do you need?”

Liz Higgins, LMFT-S, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Millenial Life Counseling, says it’s important to text your friend messages that don’t make it about yourself. “It's often minimizing for the receiver who needs the cheering up to have their experience one-upped,” she tells Bustle. Be careful when you’re trying to relate to what they’re going through — just watch to avoid coming off like you’re invalidating them. Instead, offer to listen and just be there for them.

“Let me know if you want me to come over and make you a snack or give you a hug. But if not I totally understand!”

If your friend could use a little extra nurturing, send this offer their way. Not only does it extend the opportunity for care and attention, it also gives them an easy out if they’re not in the mood for company, says Mack.

Haven’t heard back? Totally OK. Many times, when it comes to sending a text to cheer someone up, it’s the thought that counts. Even seeing your message pop up on their phone can be a huge relief.

“When I was feeling low last week I started taking daily walks and it really helped.”

If you feel like sending some light advice their way, frame it like this. “It can be incredibly validating and useful to share your own experiences with difficulties and what you did to manage them,” Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle.

Not only does this message non-judgmentally say, “Hey, I’ve been there too,” it also offers a way for your friend to start turning their day around if they’re so inclined. Just be careful not to imply that you’re offering a solution to their situation — you don’t want to try to compare your experience with theirs.

“I know you’ve got a lot going on and it’s really hard. I’m thinking about you!”

If you think this person is going through a tough time but might not be in the mood to respond right away, simply let them know you’re thinking about them. This text validates their experience, says Romanoff, but doesn’t apply any pressure to respond.

“You may not remember this, but one time you told me XYZ and I've never forgotten that. I really appreciate that you shared that at the time."

“Meaningful texts can go a long way,” Higgins says, adding that she once had a client going through a tough time who said that a former colleague had texted this message to him. “Sharing appreciation is one of the core elements of a healthy relationship, so if you're seeking to cheer someone up or make a positive impact in their life, sharing something you appreciate and hold gratitude about may go a long way and come right when they need it most.” Even reminding them of simple memories that hold a special place in your heart can do wonders to reverse their mood.

*Send a funny photo*

When in doubt, a photo can also do the trick, Romanoff says. Send a pic of something adorable — like your dog sleeping upside down — or go through your camera roll to find something you did together, like your last fun night out. Whatever you text them will serve as a reminder of good times.

*Send a meme*

Memes are a tried and true mood booster. When you find the right one, “it can draw out the irony of a bad situation,” says Alex Ly, AMFT, a registered associate marriage and family therapist. Not only that, but a laugh is a surefire way to lift someone’s spirits.

“Remember that time we got lost on our way to the roller rink? I’m cracking up thinking about it.”

Reminding your friend of a moment in life that was a bit more lighthearted will help get them out of their head, says Mack. Think about an inside joke or memorable experience you shared together and bring it up — while the message may not immediately fix their bad mood, it certainly could help.

“Just a reminder that you’re beautiful inside and out. And that you make the best tacos :)”

“This kind of text is meant to be cute, light, and loving,” Mack says, which is why it’s perfect to send to a friend who’s struggling. Mention one of their special gifts at the end — like their ability to make the perfect tacos — and it’s bound to make them feel better.

“Hey, I’ve been wondering how you’re doing. How are things?”

When you know your friend is going through a hard time, this seemingly everyday text can be very meaningful, according to friendship expert and psychologist Dr. Marisa Franco, Ph.D. “If they’re feeling good and healthy and everything is good, the text will have less of an impact,” she tells Bustle. “But when they feel like they’re in need of support, and at that time you’re the one to reach out and check in, then it’s going to have such an impact of a higher magnitude.”

“Just heard our favorite song :)”

According to Ly, any message that says “I’m thinking of you” will mean a lot. So, if your friend is sad or going through something, make it a point to send texts like this one at regular intervals as a way to help perk them up.

“I know you’re going through a hard time. Remember, it’s OK to cry. Or veg. Or do whatever you need to do. And I’m only a phone call away.”

Send supportive texts like this one to help normalize what they’re going through, which in turn will help them feel less isolated and alone. Again, validating your friend’s feelings should be the main goal when reaching out, according to Mack, as that’s always going to do a more effective job of cheering them up than insisting they “snap out of it.”

“Hey, I know you love beaches, so sending some beach pics to take you away.”

Franco recommends sending pictures of something you know your friend likes to cheer them up. Whether that’s a sunset beach, adorable puppies, a hot pic of their favorite celebrity, “I think all of that can be really thoughtful because it’s specific to what their likes and their needs and their interests are,” Franco says.

“I’ve just been thinking about how much I appreciate having you in my life. You’re so loyal and fun, and I always have a good time with you. You’re an amazing friend.”

Don’t be afraid to lay on the affirmations and confidence boosters. “Tell them how great you think they are and what you value in them as a friend,” offers Franco. “We actually tend to have a bias, according to research, to underestimate how positively our friend will be impacted by that affirmation and to overestimate how awkward it will be.” It’s not awkward — just go for it (wouldn’t you love if someone said the same things to you?). Your friend will appreciate your heart-warming messages more than you know.

Experts:

Dr. Tari Mack, clinical psychologist

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, clinical psychologist

Alex Ly, AMFT, registered associate marriage and family therapist

Dr. Marisa Franco, Ph.D., psychologist and friendship expert

Liz Higgins, LMFT-S, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Millenial Life Counseling

This article was originally published on April 21, 2021