What do you do when your wife no longer loves you?

By Stephanie Kirby|Updated August 1, 2022

Your wedding day is supposed to be the start of your "happily ever after". It's supposed to be the day that solidifies that you have found the person that you love, that loves you, and that you will spend the rest of your life with. Not surprisingly, love is the main reason why people want to get married. So, what happens if you find yourself thinking, "My wife doesn't love me anymore"?

No Matter What I Do, It Seems Like My Wife Doesn't Love Me Anymore.

Relationships are hard. There's no doubt about it. And it's not uncommon for a married woman or man to find themselves in a place one day of having to decide what they're going to do about their relationship. If you find yourself in this place right now, wondering "Does my wife love me?" There are a few options on how you can move forward. Some of the emotions to look out for if you are feeling this way:

hurt, disappointed, resentful, rejected, unloved, unwanted, alone, depressed, hopeless, helpless, anxious, panicked, stressed, worries, confused, frustrated, hurt, or disappointed.

Signs Your Spouse Doesn't Love You Anymore

It's important to remember that you should never assume you know how your spouse feels, even if it seems like your spouse doesn't love you. The following can be signs that your spouse isn't in love with you anymore, but there is no way that you can know that is actually how she feels unless you hear it from her.

If your spouse is showing some of the signs below, it's a good indicator that you need to talk with her to find out what's going on, or explore it in online therapy together.

• She stops talking with you as much.

  If your wife used to share the details of her day with you and ask you for advice on things and has stopped doing it, it could be a sign that she's lost that feeling of connection with you.

• Her attitude towards you has changed.

  Look for signs that your wife's attitude has changed towards you while she still treating other people the same. That could be a sign that her feelings have changed.

• She's not available to you.

  If you feel that she's withdrawing from you and isn't physically responsive with you, it could be a sign.

• She's cheated.

  This is a clear sign that she's not feeling the same way about you. While it doesn't necessarily mean your relationship has to be over, it can't successfully continue without major changes.

• She doesn't pay attention to you.

  If your spouse used to want to know your schedule and cared about what you were doing and has lost interest, it could be a sign that she isn't concerned about what you do anymore. This could be a sign that she isn't feeling in love anymore.

• It's all about her.

  If her attention has shifted from what's best for the marriage to what's best for her, it could be a sign that things have changed.

• She doesn't argue with you anymore.

  It might seem like she isn't affected by your past and present issues and doesn't care about you or the marriage.

Now that we addressed some changes and signs that you can watch for, remember that these don't necessarily mean anything. It might just be that your relationship could use some work.

Don't Make Assumptions

If you think that your spouse is not in love with you anymore, the first thing that you need to do is talk to her about it. It's easy to misconstrue feelings and assume that you know what another person is thinking, but you don't really know. This is why you mustn't make assumptions when it comes to understanding someone else's feelings.

Be upfront and ask your spouse how she is feeling. Then together, you will be able to decide on what your next step is. You may find out that it's not that she doesn't love you anymore and that there is something else going on with her.

Look At Your Own Actions

Did you give your spouse a reason to feel this way? If you have broken trust or done something else that you feel caused your spouse to fall out of love with you and you want to continue the relationship, you need to take steps to address it. If you haven't taken responsibility for your wrongdoing yet, this is your first step. You have to own what you did and ask forgiveness.

But, if you broke trust in your relationship, don't think that this is going to solve the problem. You will need to take additional steps, which we will talk more about below.

Look For Ways To Show Her Love

If you're thinking "my wife doesn't love me anymore", you can start to show her love. In the book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman talks about how there are five different ways that people feel love. They include physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service. Your spouse may not feel loved because you aren't doing the right things that make her feel loved. If your spouse doesn't know your love language, she might not be able to make you feel truly loved, either.

Here are some examples of what showing love in her love language would look like:

• Physical touch

  Give her back rubs, hold her hand when you walk places together, and give her hugs.

• Words of affirmation

  Write notes saying what you love about her, give her compliments, and post on social media why she is the most amazing woman.

• Quality time 

  Ask her about her day, participate in her favorite activity with her, and take her away overnight.

• Gifts

  Surprise her with gifts for no specific reason except to show her that you love her. It doesn't have to be big things; it could be small little gifts.

• Acts of service

  Put gas in her car for her, bring home dinner so she doesn't have to cook, and look for other ways to lighten her load.

Sometimes, getting her to fall back in love with you is as simple as learning the best way to show her love. It takes unselfish action on your part to show her love when she might not be returning it to you at the moment. But, if you want your relationship to continue and improve, you might need to make the first move.

Date Her Again

It's easy as the newness of the relationship wears off to stop giving it the attention that you did in the beginning. If you want to rekindle the feelings that you and your wife used to have, it could be as simple as giving your relationship more attention.

Remember, just because you are married doesn't mean you have to stop dating her. Treat her the way you did when you were still trying to win her over. Don't take her for granted. Think back to the things that you did to get her attention and get her interested in you from the start. Then start to recreate those things. Take her back to the place you went on your first date. Buy her flowers. Let her know that you're thinking about her.

Be Consistent

Remember that if you want to improve your relationship, it's not going to be as simple as doing something once or twice. You need to be consistent in your activities, even if your spouse doesn't reciprocate at first. This is especially true if you've been neglecting to treat your wife this way in the past. She might have a hard time believing that your actions are real at first. But, if you stick with it and show that you are changing your behavior and not just trying to get something out of it, she will start to see that you are for real.

Stop Trying To Change Her

A large part of unconditional love is loving someone for who they are. If you've been pushing her to change in certain ways in the past, nagging her, or criticizing things about her, stop. Start accepting her for who she is and showing her that you love her for the person she is and nothing else.

Don't Give Up

Even if your wife has lost her feelings of love for you, it doesn't mean that all hope is lost. Relationships go through difficult times and many people don't realize that there are multiple stages of love. So, they think that when their relationship loses those feelings that it had in the beginning that it means they aren't really in love. In reality, it's that the relationship has moved to another stage.

No Matter What I Do, It Seems Like My Wife Doesn't Love Me Anymore.

Talk to an Expert 

If you are struggling in your relationship or if your wife isn't in love with you anymore, the two of you will need to make a decision. As long as both of you are willing to work on your relationship, couples' therapy could help you make the progress you need. An experienced therapist can help both of you identify areas that you need to improve and learn strategies to improve your relationship, like communication skills. Research shows that online therapy can be an effective tool to strengthen relationships. 

You may access the full study here: A Randomized Controlled Trial of the Web-Based OurRelationship Program: Effects on Relationship and Individual Functioning. 

Therapy is only going to work, though, if you are willing to invest the time and effort into it. Simply attending therapy sessions and listening during the session will not be enough to improve your relationship. You are going to need to take the steps that the therapist recommends and look for ways to make changes.

Being open and honest is always the most important step in improving a relationship. And, you'll need to make sure you find a therapist that both you and your spouse will be comfortable as well. If your spouse is unwilling to work on the relationship, meeting with a therapist or doing online therapy can still help you as you process how to move forward.

Commonly Asked Questions On This Topic Found Below:

What do I do when my wife doesn't love me anymore?
How do you tell if my wife doesn't love me anymore?
Can a wife fall out of love?
Can marriage without love survive?
Why are wives unhappy in marriage?
Is it better to divorce or stay unhappily married?
Who suffers more from divorce?
Who regrets divorce more?
What are the 5 stages of divorce?

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What should you do if your partner doesn't care about you anymore?

If you feel like your partner doesn't love you anymore, here are some ways that you can fix this.

• Sometimes, stepping up your game helps. Buy your partner a gift, be more affectionate, and remind her of the person she married.

• Give her space. Being there for her more is effective in some ways, but not all the time. Other times, the absence is the key to winning back your partner's affections.

• Figure out the reason why. Either ask or deduce it on your own. You may need to do some self-reflecting and self-improving.

• If she agrees to it, go to a couples counselor. A good counselor can help you to find the reasons why your partner may not love you anymore and help you to find some ways to repair the relationship.

• If your partner doesn't love you anymore, you may just want to end the relationship.

How do you tell if your partner doesn't care anymore?

If your partner doesn't seem to love you anymore, it can be difficult to process. Here are some signs that she may not love you anymore.

• Everything feels distant. The intimacy and conversations feel forced. The sex isn't there at all or is rare.

• Your partner seems to have their own plans in mind without you. Having a shared goal is always important in marriage.

• Your partner feels drained whenever they are around you but is more active when they are with their friends or with someone else.

• Your partner seems infatuated with someone else, and you're left out of the picture.

• The only reason it feels like you two are together is because of the kids, money, or something else keeping you two chained down.

These are a few reasons. Sometimes, your relationship just has to end. Other times, your love can be salvaged through therapy or through working things out. Either way, getting help for a loveless marriage is important.

Why your partner would not want to be touched?

If your partner suddenly seems to back away from any physical contact, it may be a bit startling. If you're married, then you had to be physical with each other for a long time, so what gives? The reason is going to depend on person to person, but here are a few common reasons your partner may be feeling this way.

• Your partner may be experiencing some trauma they had in the past. Maybe something triggered that, or there was an event that happened you didn't know about.

• Your partner could be going through stress, depression, or anxiety. Touching may not be something they want right now.

• They could be upset with you about something that happened.

• Your partner has insecurity about her body and touching her there makes the insecurity worse.

There could be many reasons. However, don't push those boundaries. Ask her if something is wrong and if there's anything you can do. This is something you may need to talk to a counselor or therapist about.

How do you tell if she doesn't have feelings for you anymore?

If your partner or wife left home and didn't come back, that's one obvious sign, but other signs are a little less obvious. Here are a few ways to know that there may be something amiss in your relationship.

• She doesn't seem as intimate as she used to be.

• Your wife seems distant. Every conversation you have with her feels forced and like you're talking just to talk.

• She seems more interested in someone else than you.

• She's talking negatively about you to her friends or family.

• The relationship feels like it's only there out of obligation rather than a genuine love for one another.

These are just a few signs. It's important that you have a conversation with your partner to see why she doesn't love you, and if there is a way to get that love back.

How do you know when your marriage is over?

The signs that your marriage is ending are obvious in some cases, but not all of them. Here are some signs that your marriage may be over, or at least in dire trouble.

• You and your spouse are no longer intimate or sexually active.

• Your goals are too different. Maybe you want to move to a new city and start a new career, and your wife wants to stay home. Perhaps she wants kids and you don't. Not only that, but there's no compromise.

• You're always fighting and criticizing one another. The arguments never seem to be resolved, either.

• You can imagine your wife being with someone else or being without you.

• The only things keeping your marriage together are your kids or some kind of societal obligation.

• Therapy did not work, or one person refuses therapy.

• You're saving up money for yourself and making plans to leave.

These are just a few signs. Sometimes, the signs build up over time, and other times, the relationship ends up failing quite quickly.

How do you know if your spouse still has feelings for you?

Sometimes, we all need a reminder that our wives or partners still love us. Here are some signs that your wife does, in fact, still love you very much.

• She maintains intimacy with you and is affectionate.

• She always says "I love you."

• She cares for you when you feel upset.

• Even when the two of you have your arguments, she apologizes and says she loves you.

• The two of you still go on cute little date nights together.

• Your spouse talks about you to her friends and family, giving you praise.

These are just a few signs that the relationship is going great.

What should you not say to your spouse?

When you're in an argument with your spouse, or even during a casual conversation, here are some things that you should avoid saying.

• Don't dismiss their emotions by calling them "crazy," even if you do believe they're acting irrationally. Be empathetic and try to see it from their point of view.

• Avoid using accusatory language. If you feel like your spouse has wronged you, tell them how you feel. More "I," less "you."

• Avoid comparing them to someone else's spouse. This isn't a contest, and it will just make people insecure.

• Don't threaten them with a divorce during a heated argument.

• Never criticize their appearance or make fun of them during an argument. This is just going to make the problem a whole lot worse.

How can you tell if your partner has cheated?

Someone who is cheating can be quite sneaky about it, leaving a few breadcrumbs behind. However, no matter how clever they are, there are ways you can suspect if your partner is cheating. Here are a few.

• They are suddenly mindful of their appearance. They may have suddenly hit the gym, are more hygienic, and they're not doing it for you. Making a new year's resolution to get in shape is one thing, and suddenly hitting the gym for no reason is another.

• They've been extra protective of their phone or other belongings. Sure, some privacy is to be expected, but if your partner gets angry when you take a glance at their phone, this may be a sign that something is amiss.

• Your partner comes home late, and they always have an excuse that seems to be quite paper-thin.

• They're not as affectionate with you as they used to be. Though, sometimes they may be even more affectionate to distract you.

Obviously, these reasons on their own may not be definitive proof they're cheating, but when you have multiple signs, and other signs that make you raise an eyebrow, there may be a chance that your partner is cheating with you.

How do you deal with your partner not having feelings for you anymore?

When your partner doesn't love you anymore, here are some ways you can handle this.

• Take a break. While you may be able to win this relationship back, now is not the time. Instead, give yourself some space to work on yourself.

• Find a distraction. It can be a new hobby, a new video game, or something else to keep yourself busy and away from your partner. Practice mindfulness and meditation to help remove those intrusive thoughts.

• Get yourself in shape. Work out and eat better. This can help you look better and feel better.

• Don't be afraid to be upset or angry about it, but don't go off on your partner. Do it in private, or speak to a therapist or trusted friend about how you feel.

• As cliché as it sounds, there are other fish in the sea. Someone will love you for you, and the person who doesn't love you anymore will be a distant memory.

How do you know when your spouse cheated on you?

If you suspect your spouse is cheating, you may not have any definitive evidence. However, there are some signs to be mindful of, such as:

• Sudden social media changes. She may change or hide her relationship status, or post fewer pictures of you on there.

• She seems distant and less affectionate.

• Your spouse comes home late from work and has excuses that don't add up.

• During sex, she ends up calling you another name in bed.

• While everyone deserves their privacy, your spouse is suddenly protective of her phone or social media. Even if you accidentally glance at her phone, she gets angry and defensive.

• You're gone from home often while she's there, and some things in the house are arranged oddly when you come back, or you may find a pair of clothes that's not yours.

These are a few signs. Individually, they may not mean much, but together, they may be a sign that there's infidelity going on.

Is it normal to not want to be touched?

Many people do not want to be touched. Some have a downright fear of it, which is known as haphephobia. The reasons one may not want to be touched can vary. Some may not like being touched due to a trauma in the past. Others may have a related fear. They may hate germs or crowds, which can contribute to fear of touch. There may be someone whose skin is hypersensitive and touch makes them uncomfortable. Even someone close to you may be wary of being touched.

It's important to respect their wishes. A touchless relationship can be a challenge, and couples therapy may help with this. Someone who fears being touched may learn to overcome their fear, while the other person can learn ways to respect their boundaries.

What do you do when your husband shows no affection?

Intimacy is important in any marriage, and if your husband isn't showing it, it can be damaging for your marriage. Here are some things that you can do if your husband isn't showing any affection towards you.

• Be direct. Ask him why he's been so distant. Make sure not to sound too accusatory. Do it from the angle of loving concern. He may not tell you, but he could as well. Sometimes, it may not even be you, but something else.

• Show more love. Don't go overboard, but take him to a movie night or go on another cute little date night just like how you used to.

• Spice things up in bed. This is not a magic solution, but mixing up your sex life can be great for you.

• If he feels no affection, it's his loss. Find a new hobby you can enjoy. Try finding other activities that bring you joy. Not only can this improve your mental health, but it can help your husband remember how much he misses you.

• Seek help from a couples counselor. There may be an underlying issue that a counselor for couples can help fix.

How can you tell if a girl is losing interest in you?

When you're in love with a girl, and she was interested at first, here are some ways you can tell she's not interested anymore.

• She doesn't reply to messages, it takes an extremely long time to reply to them, or you have to keep sending her messages to get her to respond. Obviously, not everyone is glued to their phone all the time, but if she's ignoring your messages and talking to someone else, it can be a sign she's no longer interested.

• When you do talk, the conversations feel forced. In-text conversations, it could just be one word.

• There is less intimacy when you're together. You feel more like awkward friends than two people in a relationship.

• She has changed her relationship status, or she has hidden it.

These are a few signs. A couples counselor may be able to help, but if it was a casual relationship, sometimes your best bet is to move on.

How do you know when your partner doesn't have feelings for you anymore?

Lost love can be heartbreaking, especially when you're together. You feel like your partner doesn't love you anymore, yet the two of you are still together for whatever reason. Here are some ways to know whether or not your partner doesn't love you.

• They're not intimate with you. When you say "I love you," they don't say it back or give you a reply that sounds forced.

• The conversations feel forced, and sometimes, your partner doesn't talk to you at all.

• Your partner seems interested in someone else, and you could see them with that person they're interested in.

• The relationship feels like it's only around out of some sort of obligation, be it children, money, or another ball and chain.

You must talk to a couple's counselor, if possible, to help rekindle that love. If it's not possible, you may want to end the relationship amicably, which a couples counselor can do as well.

How do you tell if he doesn't have feelings for you anymore?

If you're in a relationship, looking for the signs of a lack of intimacy is important. Here are some ways you can tell that he doesn't love you like he used to:

• He is distant. Unless he has mental health or medical condition that is making him this way, his distance is a concern. When he doesn't talk to you or takes a long time to answer messages, this may mean that something is wrong.

• He forgets important details about you. If he says "I don't remember your birthday" or if he doesn't remember what food you like, this could mean he no longer shares an interest.

• He's less intimate with you. The chemistry just isn't there anymore. You have to beg him to even kiss you or say "I love you."

• He seems infatuated with someone else. This could be a sign of cheating or a sign the marriage is about to end.

Through counseling, it is possible to get that spark back, but you do need to act fast.

What are the signs of a toxic marriage?

When you're married, it can sometimes be hard to tell if there are any toxic traits in a marriage, but by being mindful of the signs, you can get help or nip the problem in the bud before it gets too bad. Here are some signs the love is getting toxic.

• You always have arguments, and they never lead to any resolution. Fighting once in a while always happens during a marriage, but if you're fighting all the time, having heated arguments, and always blaming each other, your marriage may be in trouble.

• There is extreme jealousy and it can lead to control. A husband, for example, may not let a wife talk to any male friends online because he's afraid of losing her.

• Someone in the marriage isn't telling the truth. From infidelity to spending behind someone's back, this is a sign that a marriage is near its end.

• One person is over-critical. You may not feel loved, but instead always scrutinized no matter what you do. This can make you feel self-doubts and make it hard to love yourself.

• Your spouse punishes you for wrongdoing, from not talking to you to making you do something else to get forgiveness. If your spouse doesn't want to talk because they need space, that's one thing, but stonewalling is another.

• One person likes to gaslight you, making you question your own reality.

These are just a small sampling of toxic traits, as these traits can be quite numerous, and they do have some subjectivity. If you're unsure you're in a toxic marriage, the best thing you can do is ask a counselor or someone else you can trust.

How do you know when to give up on a relationship?

Few people like to admit that their relationship is over, but when you no longer feel love for each other, then maybe it's time to end the relationship. Here are just a few signs that you know it's time to end things.

• One person doesn't put any effort into the relationship. For example, if you're a newer couple and you're the one who always has to text, make plans, and put all the effort in, this relationship may not be worth it. Being in a relationship shouldn't feel like a one-sided chore.

• The intimacy is gone. It's not just about someone who doesn't love you anymore. It's also about neither of you feeling any affection or care for each other anymore.

• There are constant mistrust and betrayal. You should consider leaving if this happens, especially if you're a younger couple. This is a major red flag.

• Your partner is abusive towards you, be it physically or emotionally. True love avoids abuse at all costs.

• You've tried relationship counseling, and it hasn't worked, or one person refuses to go. Spending quality time at a counselor's office may repair the relationship, but sometimes, your relationship is too broken to be fixed.

• You've thought about it multiple times and with a cool head, and ending the relationship seems like the best move, especially if you don't love your partner anymore, and they don't love you.

If you are experiencing any kind of abuse or violence at home or elsewhere, you can anonymously call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) for advice and assistance.

What is the sweetest thing to say to your husband?

There is no magic phrase that's the sweetest for a husband. Some men just like a simple "I love you," while others will like something much more elaborate. However, there are a few phrases you can use as a springboard. Telling your husband that he makes you feel safe, and how you want to spend along time with him are nice things to say. Saying he's the best thing that's ever happened to you can be nice to say as well. You know your husband, so our advice is to do some research and make your own phrase that's inspired by some quotes you see online. This can make your husband happy for a long time.

How to get your spouse back?

If you say to yourself, "my wife doesn't love me anymore," that can be a bit of a problem, and one that you may want to fix. Here are some tips.

• First, your spouse isn't a prize. You can't "win" her back. It's ultimately her decision, but there are ways you can make her change your mind.

• Take some time away. Not only is a bit of space good, but it also gives you enough time to think. Take a look in the mirror. If you say "my wife doesn't love me anymore," figure out why. Sometimes, you may need to take a deep, hard look in the mirror to figure out why she doesn't love you.

• When the time is right, apologize, and try to make things right. Perhaps go to counseling, or figure out some ways the two of you can work together. Take some time to find ways to make your relationship even better.

• While buying presents can be sweet, don't try to win her back through money or guilt. Instead, figure out why the relationship ended and if you can control it. Many times, you can't. Sometimes, you have to look in the mirror and say "my wife doesn't love me anymore, and that's just how it is." Falling out of love, as sad as it is, can happen.

How do you get your spouse to have romantic feelings again?

When you say "my wife doesn't love me anymore," you may wonder how you can fix that. Love lost is always a tragedy, but there's usually a reason for it. Here are some ways you can potentially bring back that love.

• Have goals that you two can pursue together. Sometimes, you may have fallen out of love because there's no longer a shared goal. When your spouse doesn't love you anymore, it may not just be you. She may not love life anymore, and you should work together to find something new and exciting.

• Take some time to make sense of your emotions. Going to your spouse when you're upset and angry can make the problem worse. It may take a lot of time to have a cool head, but it's important to take a break.

• Go on cute little date nights like you used to, and spice up the bedroom. Sometimes, there may just be a lack of passion in the relationship, and that's why you think your spouse doesn't love you anymore.

• When your spouse doesn't love you anymore, your best bet is to spend a lot of time with a counselor or therapist. Not just to work on any of your flaws, but to work on your marriage as a whole. There may be a reason why your marriage is having difficulties, and a counselor or therapist can help with any problems you have.

How do you make your spouse want you again?

If your spouse doesn't love you anymore, you may wonder how you can get her affections back. Here are some ways.

• First, figure out why your spouse doesn't seem to love you anymore. Did you two just drift apart? If so, go on a date. Was it something that's your fault? Work on yourself.

• Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Perhaps take a break and give each other space. If your spouse left you, don't mope about it all the time. Sometimes, you need some time to grow. If you're someone who is usually a stay at home, go outside and explore the world.

• Looks aren't everything, but they do matter. Hit the gym, improve your hygiene, and remind your spouse of the man she fell in love with.

• Ultimately, there are many reasons why your spouse doesn't love you anymore, and why she may have fallen out of love. Seek help from a relationship therapist or counselor.

How do you cope when your wife no longer loves you?

What are the signs your wife doesn't love you anymore?

How can I get my wife to love me again?

Can a marriage survive with no love?