Show Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, PhD, PsyD — By Rhona Lewis on June 29, 2020
Your child is standing on the sidelines, watching the other kids play. Seems like they’re just looking on, right? Wrong. Onlooker play is an important developmental stage. It’s not just child’s play — it’s serious business. Sociologist Mildred Parten divided play into six stages. At each of these stages, your child develops cognitive and social skills that form the foundation for future successful interaction with others. And it happens even when they’re just watching. Jean Piaget defined the different stages of play primarily by the cognitive developmental stages that a child reaches. Parten saw things a little differently. She emphasized that learning to play is very much about learning how to relate to others. Here’s a quick look at Parten’s six stages of play:
Don’t hold a stopwatch because we aren’t all programmed to run on the same timetable. But as a rule of thumb, you can expect onlooker play to begin when your toddler reaches between 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 years of age. If your heart breaks because you see your child standing on the edge, watching quietly as the other kids play, don’t reach for your tissues. Celebrate — your toddler has reached another milestone. Remember those previous play dates when your child wasn’t even aware that there were other kids in the room. Onlooker play is a big part of a child’s development. While your child may seem passive when they’re just watching, they’re actually pretty busy working on cognitive and social-emotional skills. Cognitive skillsObservation sharpens perception, attention, memory, and thinking. By noticing how gestures and words are used, kids are laying the groundwork for the more complex symbols (writing and math) that they will learn in school. Social-emotional skillsIn his famous Bobo doll experiments, Albert Bandura, hailed as the father of the cognitive theory, showed that kids learn how to behave from observing others. It’s a one-way street: Watch, assimilate, and then imitate. Need more convincing? Psychologist Lev Vygotsky says that observation “refines the natural state of behavior of the child and alters completely anew the whole course of his development.” Observation teaches some important lessons including:
Your toddler loves watching other children at play. But at this early stage, they’re more interested in watching quietly from the sidelines than in directly participating. Here’s what you’ll notice at the onlooker stage:
We all want to help our kids reach important milestones. And, to be totally honest, it hurts when you see your kid on the sidelines — even when you know that this developmental stage will soon pass. So, what can you do to nudge the onlookers onto the next stage? Here are some great ideas:
When your toddler reaches 3 1/2 to 4 years of age, they’ll probably move on to the next stage of developmental play — parallel play. At this stage, you’ll see your child actually playing next to other kids, but not yet playing together. The kids will probably share their resources, but they won’t have a common goal. You may notice that your child and their friend are playing with blocks, but they’ll each build their own tower. Stay on hand in case they start to squabble over the blocks! The kids might have a blast with your costume box, but they likely won’t assign roles. What happens when you notice that your child hasn’t moved on to the onlooker play stage? Maybe they’re still fully engaged in the solitary play stage and don’t show any interest in what the other kids around them are doing. Breathe easy… it happens. The guidelines for the age ranges of the play stages are simply guidelines. Up to 15 percent of kids are slower to warm up. These kids may be shy or super-cautious. And a heads up: Sometimes even though a child has mastered parallel or associative play, they may still slip back to the onlooker stage. That’s perfectly normal. Don’t you also have days when you’re perfectly happy to sit back and watch the world pass by? That said, if you have any concerns about your child’s development, reach out to your pediatrician. Your child is growing up. As their cognitive, communication, and social-emotional skills come together, you’ll notice that the onlooker play has morphed into parallel and then associative play. Watch out, because soon they’ll be asking for the car keys! Last medically reviewed on June 29, 2020 Play is important work in early childhood. Learn more about how the power of play can help children learn important skills and prepare them for the world.
While play is often seen as something frivolous that children do to pass the time, play is an incredibly important part of a child’s healthy development. Play is children’s work. Through play, children learn academic skills like math, science, reading, language and literacy. They learn social skills like effective communication, conflict resolution, problem solving and cooperation. Maybe most importantly, they learn about themselves – they get to know their personalities including their likes and dislikes, strengths and interests. Through play, children learn where they fit in in the world. Researcher Mildred Parten identified these six stages of play that children progress through. It’s important to note that each child develops at his or her own pace, so children of the same age may not show exactly the same types of play. Parten’s six stages of play
Michigan State University Extension has tips to help you support your child through these six stages of play.
Just like adults need education and resources to learn how to be good at their jobs, children need the same support to support their job of playing. Along with practical materials like toys and games, children need encouragement, engagement and lots and lots of time to play. For more information about the purpose of play, play and learning, positive discipline, child development, academic success or parenting and life skill development, please visit the Michigan State University Extension website. Also, don’t forget to check out the upcoming articles in “The power of play” series! Other articles in this seriesDid you find this article useful?
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