Where is the mother of the bride when the father of the bride gives his speech?

Writing – let alone actually delivering – your all-important father of the bride speech may seem daunting and, with all eyes on you, it’s understandable you’d be nervous. But you needn’t be because, once the speech is written and the nerves are subdued, it’s actually a wonderful moment that can be a real highlight, especially for your darling daughter.

Tradition

The father of the bride speech is, usually, the first of the wedding speeches to be delivered, usually towards the end of the main meal. Traditionally, the father of the bride was the host of the wedding, but even where he isn’t, the father of the bride speech usually still includes many host-like aspects such as welcoming the guests and thanking them for their gifts.

Of course, traditionally, the father of the bride also share some words of wisdom or marriage advice – and, sometimes, even a few tears!

The delivery

Standing centre stage, delivering a speech in front of your nearest and dearest on such an important occasion may seem like a difficult, perhaps, terrifying task.

But remember, there is no need to worry at all. You’re surrounded by your friends and family, all of whom want to see you do well!

They know how proud you are and are probably dying to hear what you have to say! Simply take a deep breath and try and enjoy yourself.

Oh, and, if you’re considering steadying your nerves with a little liquid courage, be sparing in how much you drink. You don’t want to have too much courage, after all. You want to enjoy the moment and you want your daughter – and your entire family – to be proud of your performance, not embarrassed by it.

Getting started…

The hardest part of writing a good father of the bride speech is getting started.

A good tip is to break the speech down into headings. Under each heading, jot down some notes, ideas and emotions then expand on them.

Think about how you felt when your daughter was born, what it was like raising her as a child, some of her big milestones such as a graduation or a significant birthday. Then, attempt to put your emotions onto words.

As the speech starts to take shape, practice reading it out loud. Take note of how long it takes to read each section and try not to speak for longer than about five to seven minutes.

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Part 1: The introduction

But keep it clean.

People are expecting a mature gentleman, not a larrikin – that’s the best man’s role!

If joking is not your thing, simply start by introducing yourself and mentioning how beautiful the bride looks.

Say a few words about the wedding day so far, and how perfectly everything has run and, if you have a few funny stories from the lead up to the wedding or the early part of the wedding day itself, you can include those at the start of the speech.

Part 2: Welcome the guests

This is where your role as the father of the bride kicks in. Be sure to thank everyone for coming and give special thanks to those who have travelled to attend the celebrations.

Don’t forget to thank those who helped in the planning and organisation of your daughter’s big day and make sure you write down any names that you feel deserve a mention during this part of the speech.

Also, mention any significant family members or friends who are absent and, if you feel comfortable, those who may recently have passed away.

There are many great ways you can honour deceased loved one’s wedding ceremony. Here, for example, are 10 heart-warming ideas to honour any mothers who may have passed away.

Part 3: Now, it’s all about your daughter

This is the highlight of any father of the bride speech – and everyone’s waiting to hear it.

It’s not often you get to discuss your daughter’s many qualities and achievements so publicly, so make the most of it and indulge yourself. Make sure you compliment her; tell her how wonderful she looks and how proud you are of her. Don’t worry, it’s OK to gush about your darling daughter.

Try to talk a little about your daughter’s early years, perhaps tell a funny story or two about when she was like growing up. Feel free to tease her about some of the things she has done but be kind and don’t say anything that you know will really embarrass her.

Tell a story that reveals her personality: how strong, tough, creative, kind she is, perhaps? Or her love of animals or sports.

Finally, talk about when she met her new husband, making sure you tell the story in a positive way!

This will lead you nicely into the next part.

Part 4: And, don’t forget the son in law or daughter in law

Here, it is customary for the father of the bride to welcome the groom (or, in the case of a same-sex wedding, the other bride) into his family, and to express his happiness at the new connection between the two families that the marriage will bring.

Talk about your first encounter with the groom. Even if the first impression was not positive, it may be fun to mention it, as long as you follow up with how fond of him you are now – and say it

Depending on your relationship with your new son-in-law, it’s probably fine to poke (a little) fun at him, and to joke about what he is getting himself in for marrying your daughter.

Other anecdotes that work well include the first time you realised your daughter was in love with him and your reaction to their engagement.

Think of positive qualities about the groom that will make him a good husband and ways that he has made your daughter happy.

Part 5: Words of wisdom

At the end of your father of the bride speech, you should congratulate the happy couple on a wonderful wedding, and express your confidence in their future happiness together.

Traditionally, your closing should also contain some words of wisdom about life and marriage. This might include tips on how to have a happy marriage and things that are important in life.

This could be humorous or tongue-in-cheek.

Part 6: Toast

Finally, propose a toast to the bride and groom and have all the guests raise their glasses to the happy couple.

There you go. You’ve done it! It wasn’t that hard, was it?

Not sure you can do it? Visit our partners over at Speechform for info on how they can help you!

Before you even think about writing your first draft, it can really help to have a brainstorm with a few key people.

Ask the bride’s mother, any siblings, or really close family to come together to reminisce about the bride, as they may remember some absolutely hilarious or key stories that you’ve forgotten.

You can go back and forth to this family group while writing too for extra details and clarification on facts, plus it’ll help you feel a lot less pressure than you would if you were going solo.

2. Focus On A Good Introduction

As you’re opening the speeches section of the wedding, it’s important not to just go straight into your speech at 100mph and instead to introduce yourself. While most people in the room will know who you are, there may be a few who don’t.

Plus, it’s a nice easy way to confidently ease yourself into public speaking. Try not to sound too robotic by just saying your name and that you’re the bride’s dad! Think of a more heartfelt way to say you’re her father.

You can also really quickly put wedding guests at ease by making them laugh. It doesn’t have to be a silly gag or a hilarious joke, but just something cute and quirky about the bride or perhaps an observation about the day that can really help get the ball rolling.

3. Don’t Spend Ages Thanking People

The father of the groom speech is not the time to go through everyone that needs thanking – this often happens during the groom’s speech and you can be sure that if you go down this route that you’ll massively wrong-foot the groom and make his speech rather difficult to deliver without major repetition.

Confine your thanks to a general one – simply thank everyone for coming to the wedding and watching the proudest moment of your life as your daughter gets married.

4. Use Clever Quotes

If it feels suitable for your speech, you can use famous quotes to get your point across and provide a bit of pace to the delivery. Some fathers like to open with a quote from someone famous and use it as a way to introduce an overarching theme that’ll carry on through the speech.

If you’re known for being a showman or a bit of a character, a dramatically delivered quote can get the guests laughing straightway. If not, find a quote that sums up exactly how you feel about the bride and use it instead of your own words if you can’t quite get the sentiment right.

5. Don’t Embarrass Your Daughter

There’s a fine line between a funny and sweet anecdote and one that’ll make your guests cringe.

You don’t want to make anyone, especially the bride, feel uncomfortable, so stick to stories that are heartfelt and meaningful rather than too graphic. No one needs to hear that she wet the bed until she was 11!

You can still take the mickey out of her though, but in a much more charming way.

Choose stories that are relevant to who she is today. Perhaps she was obsessed with animals from the moment she could talk and brought all manner of horrible bugs into your house – now she’s a vet it all makes sense.

Maybe she was the clumsiest little girl you’ve ever known so it’s incredible that she’s now a successful dancer.

Perhaps she had a crazy imagination that got her into all sorts of trouble (insert funny anecdotes here), but she’s now managed to harness it into a successful career as a novelist.

6. Make Your Speech Different

When talking about your daughter and how much you love her it’s important to avoid clichés and words that could apply to any bride.

We’re talking about “beautiful”, “amazing”, “kind” etc.

Think about what makes her who she is and celebrate these traits.

Remember no-one is perfect, and just because it’s her wedding day doesn’t mean you have to make her sound like the ideal woman. The guests want to hear about all the good bits as well as the slightly less so, as it’s much more real and will represent the person they know and love.

7. Don’t Mention Any Exes

This is a key one that shouldn’t be broken – DO NOT mention any exes. No-one wants to remember a time when the happy couple weren’t together or imagine the bride with another partner so just don’t go there, even if there’s a funny anecdote! It’s the quickest way to alienate the new in law to the family.

8. Spend Time Talking About Her New Husband Or Wife

On the other hand, not mentioning your new son-in-law or daughter-in-law in your wedding speech is almost as bad as the groom forgetting to mention his new wife in his wedding speech. While the father of the bride speech is predominantly about your daughter, you have to dedicate at least a sentence or two to her chosen partner.

Make sure to say how happy you are that the bride met their partner and how much happiness he/she clearly brings into her life.

You can talk about what your impressions were the first time you met him/her and how your relationship has grown or include funny stories about the early years of their relationship.

9. Mention The Bride’s Mother And New In-Laws

It’s important not to single-handedly take credit for your amazing daughter in your speech (unless of course, you raised her all alone).

Spend time talking about any good traits she has inherited from her mother and how special their relationship is. Even if you’re divorced from her mother, a line or two acknowledging her part in your child’s life will be very well appreciated.

10. Impart Some Wisdom For The Newlyweds

Once you’ve run out of anecdotes and have said all the beautiful words about how you feel, it’s time to impart some advice.

This can go one of two ways.

Perhaps you’ve had a successful and long marriage and therefore you can draw inspiration from both the wonderful and hard times to pass on some key bits of advice. If you’re known for being a bit hapless when it comes to marriages and relationships you can make this section funny and tell the couple not to do anything you did!

If this is the case you can also always ask other successfully married couples from within the guests for their advice before the big day and then impart this. Your daughter will appreciate the effort you’ve gone to, to ensure that you had something meaningful to pass on to her at such a huge stage in her life.

11. Don’t Make The Speech About You

Remember this speech is meant to be about your daughter and the person she is marrying today.

If once you’ve written the speech and are reading through it and you find yourself repeatedly saying “I” or “me” more than “she” or “her”, then chances are you’ve made the speech too much about you.

Yes, the anecdotes are your stories to tell, but they should focus on your daughter and why they are relevant to who she is today rather than how they made you feel or how they impacted you.

12. End With A Toast

As the first speechmaker, you can’t just tail off.

A strong end is key to the overall success of the speech and helps draw a line under your words and the start of the next speech.

So, make sure you have a really good finishing sentence, followed by a clear call to the guests to stand and toast. You need to make sure the guests know exactly what you want them to do otherwise you’ll end up with a half-hearted end with some standing up and some not and a mish-mash of words. Clearly state the words you want them to toast with and invite the guests to stand to ensure a resounding toast!

Now all that’s left to do is practise reading out your father of the bride speech, in a confident – and slow – manner and make sure you smile while doing it.

It can also be a really good idea to ask your wife or partner to read through the draft speech too. Just to make sure you’ve remembered the anecdotes properly (we’re all prone to the odd embellishment!) and also to check that you’re not veering off into embarrassing territory.

Good luck!