How to finger yourself good

If you’ve seen the Netflix show Sex Education, you’ll have watched seventeen-year-old Amy discover the pleasure of fingering. “I’ve been wanking all night,” she says, delirious, to her friend at school the next day. “I ate four packets of crumpets and I think my clit might drop off.”

Índice Show

What to do beforehand
How to get started
Try out different techniques

Amy isn’t alone in enjoying fingering – according to one study, 91% of women have fingered themselves.1 Simply put, fingering is when the fingers are used to stimulate the genitals, and is something that many people enjoy as part of masturbation. For people with vulvas, fingering could involve stimulation of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the anus.

Fingering is a great way to learn about your body and what arouses you, and some people even do it to help them sleep,2 relax, and dispel stress.3 Not everyone enjoys fingering, and sometimes it’s not a possibility: those with physical conditions like vaginismus or vulvodynia, or those who have experienced sexual trauma, may feel pain when they try it. Those experiencing mental health conditions like anxiety or depression may not feel pleasure at all. Whether you want to try fingering is entirely up to you, and it’s possible to have a perfectly satisfying sex life without it.

For those of us who do want to give it a try, The Femedic asked two sex experts for their advice on how to finger yourself and what techniques they’d recommend to explore different types of pleasure.

What to do beforehand

Washing your hands before fingering yourself isn’t always necessary, says Alex White, a counsellor and coach who specialises in sexual issues. Instead, she suggests treating your genitals as a bodily opening like your mouth or eyes: would you wash your hands before touching those?

You can still finger yourself if you have long fingernails, but stick to external areas like your clitoris. Avoid inserting long fingernails into the vagina and anus and use a sex toy instead, as there’s a risk of cutting or scratching the inside which could then increase the risk of STI transmission.4

For clitoral and g-spot fingering, sitting up and leaning back, with your knees bent and feet flat on the floor or the bed, is a good position to begin with

Whilst you don’t need a detailed knowledge of your anatomy to finger yourself, it helps to know what’s what and what’s where. You can use a hand-held mirror to look at your vulva and work out what you’ll be touching — our guides to the vulva and the vagina can help here, too. Most likely, you’ll be wanting to stimulate the clitoris, a highly sensitive sexual organ with over 8,000 nerve endings,5 and the g-spot — a cluster of nerve cells in the front-facing wall of your vagina.

Before you start fingering, it’s important to manage your expectations. Having a goal to reach a certain level of arousal or orgasm can trigger feelings of self-consciousness and judgement, which can detract from your experiences in the moment, says White. Instead, you might like to get in the mood by watching or listening to porn or doing a sensual activity, like taking a bubble bath.

You should only try fingering — whether it be clitoral, vaginal, or anal — if and when you feel comfortable.

How to get started

If you’re touching yourself for the first time, it’s best to take a cautious approach. “If people aren’t sure what they’re going to respond to, I would start slowly and gently”, White says. “Keep in mind that our genitals are sensitive. There’s always potential for more speed, depth, and pressure to explore.”

For clitoral and g-spot fingering, sitting up and leaning back, with your knees bent and feet flat on the floor or the bed, is a good position to begin with. Sex and intimacy coach Libby Sheppard suggests working through a list of motions if you’re unsure how to proceed with fingering: using your middle finger, tap or stroke a part of your genitalia, draw circles around it, and rub it in “up-and-down” and “side-to-side” motions. Try these actions on your clitoris first. As you begin to feel aroused, your vagina will become wet by producing thick, white fluids, and your clitoris will swell as blood rushes to it.

For g-spot fingering, touch around the external area of your vagina first to “wake up” its sensory nerves. When you’re ready, insert two fingers. Sheppard suggests working on the interior, front-facing wall of the vagina (the g-spot) and using a “windscreen wiper” technique to stimulate the nerve endings there: “Hold your fingers on the inside of your vagina, with your palms facing upwards and the tips of your fingers resting on the top wall, close to the pubic bone.”

“A lot of people when they’re masturbating are very restricted in their breath, but this actually reduces the amount of sensation and relaxation you can feel in your body”

Then, move your fingers in a U shape so they reach the “valleys”, or the vaginal walls on either side. Bear in mind that not everyone with a vulva will find g-spot stimulation pleasurable.

You can also finger yourself to experience anal pleasure. Some use anal fingering to reach the “a spot”: a pleasure point located at the top of the vagina, internally quite close to the anus. An easy way to reach your anus is by lying on your side, bending your top-side knee and reaching your hand across your back. To wake up the sensory nerves there, Sheppard suggests using a “doorbell technique” (pressing and holding your finger on the opening) and drawing circles around it.

Try to keep your breathing relaxed whilst fingering, says Sheppard: “A lot of people when they’re masturbating are very restricted in their breath, but this actually reduces the amount of sensation and relaxation you can feel in your body.”

Try out different techniques

As you become familiar with what you like, you can experiment and try to improve your technique a little. You could finger different parts of the genitals at once, for example, or rub other pleasure-stimulating zones (erogenous zones) like the nipples or inner thighs whilst fingering yourself.

Mixing it up with different positions and body movements can create new sensations, too. Try fingering whilst on your hands and knees or in a yoga puppy pose, Sheppard says. You can clench and unclench parts of your genitals, circle the hips, or rock the pelvis back and forward — all of which will wake up the muscles in and around the vulva.

Fingering isn’t a case of finding your “moves” and sticking with them. As our bodies and interests change, what arouses us changes, too

A great way to try out different sensations is to use a sex toy. They come in different shapes, sizes, vibration settings, noise level, and vary a lot in price. Happily, many are versatile: this one we reviewed is designed to bend and move with your body, for example. Read the reviews before purchasing one online, as people tend to specify what arouses them and whether the sex toy satisfied that.

Lube can be useful for fingering if your genitals are on the drier side, as a touch more moisture can reduce the friction between your fingers and genitals to a level that feels pleasurable. You should definitely use lube if you plan on fingering your anus, which isn’t self-lubricating like the vagina is. If using lube, add a few drops to your fingers or a toy. Different types of lubes can cause different sensations, while there are some that are unsuitable for certain types of sex toys. Be sure to read the label before you buy.

The irony of this “how to” guide to fingering is that there is no one way to do it: fingering isn’t a case of finding your “moves” and sticking with them. As our bodies and interests change, what arouses us changes, too. Fingering is a continuous process of experimentation and surprise — enjoy the ride.

Featured image is an illustration of three hands doing an exaggerated “tapping” fingering motion. Each hand is at a different stage in the motion, with the first stage at the left and final to the right

Page last updated April 2021

Questions and discussion about your sexual lives, choices, activities, ideas and experiences.

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hotcoco2000 not a newbie Posts: 10 Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2019 3:16 pm Age: 16 Awesomeness Quotient: Overcame an encounter where I was raped Primary language: English Pronouns: She Sexual identity and orientation: Bi Location: Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Unread post by hotcoco2000 » Thu Feb 14, 2019 3:21 pm

So I'm 13 and I like to use my fingers in my vagina and 2 fingers is ok but 3 fingers hurt and I like it but it hurts and I don't have any lube and my mom doesn't know I'm doing that. Any advice on how to insert 3 fingers with out a parter and without lube???

Heather scarleteen founder & director Posts: 8935 Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am Age: 52 Awesomeness Quotient: I know every word of The Lorax by heart. Primary language: english Pronouns: they/them Sexual identity and orientation: queery-queer-queer Location: Chicago

Unread post by Heather » Thu Feb 14, 2019 3:37 pm

Masturbation and other kinds of sex are supposed to be about what feels good, not about impressing yourself or someone else. So, if what feels good to you is two fingers, and three hurt, then the best answer is usually to go with two and not use three, because two feels good and three doesn't! And if any number fingers don't feel good -- not just okay, but actually good -- period, then why do that at all? Why not experiment to find out what feels good and do whatever that is? The whole point of masturbation is that it gets to ONLY be about what feels good for you.

It is a good idea to use a lubricant anytime you're putting something inside the vagina or anus, just as a thing to know. That not only usually makes those ways of being sexual feel best, it also helps protect your body parts from scrapes.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Unread post by hotcoco2000 » Thu Feb 14, 2019 3:40 pm

Ok. I do love to do so but sometimes it hurts and my mom doesn't know I do so. What stores sell lube?

Unread post by Heather » Thu Feb 14, 2019 3:46 pm

You probably have some options within reach. Most pharmacies/drugstores (like CVS, Walgreens, RiteAid) sell lube, Target sells lube, a lot of grocery stores will even sell it if they sell things like tampons and condoms. You just want to avoid "novelty" lubes which can show up more in those places, like warming or cooling lubes, which usually have creepy ingredients in them or aren't so great for your body.

Alternately, if you are just using it for masturbation, and not with condoms or toys, you can also use something you may find in the cupboard or at the grocery store, which are some kinds of cooking/body care oils. Coconut, olive and avocado can all be used safely on your vulva or vaginally.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Unread post by hotcoco2000 » Thu Feb 14, 2019 3:48 pm

And honestly, I don't trust a boy, or girl, to that to me yet. I prefer doing it on my own as well. Does vegetable oil harm the vagina?

Unread post by Heather » Thu Feb 14, 2019 4:22 pm

There' nothing wrong with that! You have the right to not only only want to be your own partner, but to be your favorite sexual partner! And for sure, trust is a big part of that equation. Good on you for knowing yourself and taking good care of yourself in that way.

Vegetable oil isn't generally recommended. I've always assumed that's due to the lower quality of that oil mix and to "vegetable" oil actually being a mix of a bunch of different kinds of oils, including some that aren't so healthy, period, like palm oil.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Unread post by hotcoco2000 » Thu Feb 14, 2019 4:28 pm

Ok☺

Unread post by hotcoco2000 » Thu Feb 14, 2019 4:45 pm

I want to say, I don't trust anyone with that because I have been raped, sexually assaulted and molested.

Siân scarleteen staff/volunteer Posts: 769 Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2017 6:10 am Age: 32 Awesomeness Quotient: I ask ALLLLL the questions Primary language: English Pronouns: she/her Sexual identity and orientation: Figuring it out Location: UK

Unread post by Siân » Fri Feb 15, 2019 4:39 am

Hi hotcoco2000, I'm so sorry to hear that you have been raped and assaulted in the past. It's not surprising that you find it hard to trust other people sexually right now. I hope that you know it is not your fault - are you safely away from the person (or people) who did this to you now?

Is there anything we can do to support you? Would you like to talk about it more?

Unread post by hotcoco2000 » Fri Feb 15, 2019 3:44 pm

Sorry I was at school. Yes I am safe and sure I'll talk more! I'de be more than happy to share my story on here for every one to see!

Mo scarleteen staff/volunteer Posts: 2205 Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish. Primary language: English Pronouns: he/him, they/them Sexual identity and orientation: queer/bisexual

Unread post by Mo » Fri Feb 15, 2019 4:15 pm

If it would feel helpful for you to talk about it, you're welcome to! Mostly we want to make sure we're giving you support around that assault if that's something you'd like us to help with.

Unread post by hotcoco2000 » Fri Feb 15, 2019 4:17 pm

It is something I want support with!

Sam W scarleteen staff/volunteer Posts: 8234 Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am Age: 31 Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants Primary language: english Pronouns: she/her Sexual identity and orientation: queer Location: Desert

Unread post by Sam W » Sat Feb 16, 2019 8:25 am

Okay! What kind of support could we offer to best help you right now? For example, we could help you connect with resources or information, or we could let this be a space for you to process what happened (or something else entirely),

Unread post by hotcoco2000 » Wed Feb 20, 2019 3:41 pm

A space to let me share, process and get support for what happened, if that's ok.

Jacob scarleteen staff/volunteer Posts: 991 Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:33 am Age: 33 Primary language: English Pronouns: They Location: Leeds UK

Unread post by Jacob » Thu Feb 21, 2019 6:40 am

Hi Hotcoco!

You're more than welcome to talk about it more here or you can start a new thread in this section of the boards if you prefer: http://www.scarleteen.com/bb/viewforum.php?f=16

Loads of people find it really helpful to share their abuse experiences. I'm happy this is somewhere that feels safe to do that!

"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome. Don't see why they call it lonesome.

I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You

Official_NCG newbie Posts: 1 Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2019 12:06 pm Age: 20 Awesomeness Quotient: Nothing Primary language: English Pronouns: She Sexual identity and orientation: Female Location: Estonia

Unread post by Official_NCG » Wed Aug 07, 2019 12:12 pm

So I am 13 and I wanted to try to finger myself but it hurt and I wanted to know if thats normal and how do I start fingering myself.

Unread post by Heather » Wed Aug 07, 2019 1:50 pm

(Welcome to the boards. Just FYI, when your profile says one age but you post with another it can make things pretty confusing for us. If you could let us know which age for you is actually correct, that'd be great. Thanks!) It's very normal for people of all ages to masturbate or explore masturbation, and that usually does involve people touching their genitals. More often than not, whether it's alone or with a partner, just using fingers (or anything else) inside the vagina, and not doing anything else doesn't feel like much or that great for people because the vagina isn't the area of that system of genitals where the most sensory nerve endings are. Most of those are in the clitoris, including the external portions, and then just around the opening of the vagina, which also makes contact with the internal portions of the clitoris. There's no how-to with things like this save when it comes to safety: you'll want to have clean hands, short nails that don't have sharp edges and only stick to what feels good, and stop if anything hurts. Otherwise, it's just a matter of experimenting to find out what feels good to you, because everyone's pretty different when it comes to what people enjoy, if they enjoy something like this at all, and if they do, how they enjoy it. You find out for yourself by just trying things and seeing how they feel for you.

You might also find this piece comes in handy (no pun intended): Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead