My boyfriend has no plans for the future

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Be aware of the signs that he no longer sees a future with you in it.

Joshua Ness, CC0, via Unsplash

He Will Make the Effort If He Is Interested!

Ladies, I've said this over and over again—men are not as complicated as we think. If he is interested in a future with you, he will make the effort for that to happen . . . period!

Why is the concept that a man will do everything possible if he's interested in a future—aka marriage—so hard for women to believe? Maybe it is because giving reasons to the contrary makes us feel better. What a woman wants to believe that she's not "good enough" for a guy, or that he doesn't see spending the rest of his life (which is statistically usually shorter than hers) with her? Usually, we hang on to the bad relationships or sugarcoat the facts because it's ego-crushing, heartbreaking, disappointing, and frankly depressing to think any differently. Many women would rather be in a stagnant relationship than no relationship at all. Why?!

Has the thought of being alone become so repellant that we convince ourselves that we would rather be with someone—even if the relationship will never progress to the next level? This unhealthy story we tend to tell ourselves (and our friends) might seem less painful than the truth, but is it? The older you get, the harder it is to find true love. Why would you spend your time—months, possibly years, with a guy who is giving signs of no permanent future? If you really want marriage, then holding on to a guy who doesn't have the same vision will only prolong what you want.

I have many friends that are happily married, and they all have the same story about how their boyfriends (at the time) worked hard to make them feel special—knowing that they were "the one" and making them their wives. These men put the "w" in wooing and "c" in chivalry. As one of my friends said, "He always did the little things to show me he cared." Another friend stated, "He never played games. He always showed and communicated how much he cared—I always felt important no matter what was going on in his life."

Feeling important in a man’s life should never feel secondary if he honestly wants to build a relationship with you. A guy who sees a future with you won't play games; e.g., waiting days or weeks to call, or using the "busy" speech for why he can't possibly make the time to see you.

Just like a lot of things when it comes to men, if you get out of la-la land and take notice of his actions, you will realize that there are signs that a permanent future is not in the cards for you. Sorry. But, luckily, for every man who does not see you as a long-term partner, there are many more men who could possibly be the right fit.

50 Signs He's Doesn't See a Future With You

1. He still has ex-wife/girlfriend drama.
2. He talks about his ex-girlfriend/wife, A LOT.
3. His work schedule doesn't permit time—he’s just too busy.
4. He travels a great deal (personal and professional)—never asking you to join.
5. He's strategic about when he calls or sends text messages.
6. He has no interest in meeting your friends.
7. He adds more activities to his already busy life.
8. He expects you to split the cost, pick up the tab, or will complain when he pays for dates (during the courting stages, very uncool).
9. He never plans trips or romantic getaways with you.
10. He avoids spending holidays with you.
11. You only communicate through text messages.
12. He hasn't introduced you to his friends.
13. You hang out together only at odd hours.
14. He never makes plans to see you; it's usually random.
15. Most (or all) of the dates are during the day or late night—versus early evenings.
16. He doesn't open up about his past.
17. He has no problem checking his email or answering his phone often, versus keeping his attention on you.
18. He doesn't give compliments anymore.
19. He is uncomfortable with any form of PDA (public displays of affection)—he will only kiss you in private.
20. You do the same thing when you go out—not much effort in his planning.
21. You've never been to his house.
22. He never picks you up for dates.
23. He never comes to your place.
24. Never makes plans to see you on a weekend night.
25. He doesn't ask questions about your family or past, and never speaks of the future.
26. He doesn't invite you along on his plans.
27. You go days, possibly weeks, without talking or hearing from him.
28. He doesn't notice your new hairstyle or other changes.
29. He's doesn't show interest in what you do professionally.
30. When it comes to your passions, he isn't supportive.
31. He's not there for you when you’re sick, or when someone you cared about has died.
32. He will comb his house to make sure that you haven't left anything behind.
33. Not making an effort to come to you—you are always going to him.
34. He always uses work as an excuse for not having time for you.
35. He works hard at winning your affections in the beginning, but then his interest quickly subsides.
36. One minute he "loves you," the next he's "not sure if the relationship will work" (back and forth with his emotions).
37. He never does anything special for you (flowers, dinners, gifts, or even little things).
38. Your relationship revolves more around sex than dating.
39. He never invites you to important events in his life (work events, weddings, friends' birthdays, family events, etc.).
40. He makes excuses for why he can't see you versus figuring out ways to see you.
41. Time with his guy friends is WAY more important than time with you.
42. If he has kids, he will avoid your ever meeting them—even after months of dating—proclaiming that it's something that the kids are not ready for, even though his ex has introduced them to boyfriends or has a new husband.
43. Spending time together is always in a group situation.
44. He doesn't remember basic things about you—e.g., birthdate, middle name, sibling’s names, where you grew up, what you do for a living, your pet’s name(s), favorite color, etc.
45. He doesn't remember your allergies (peanut, fish, gluten, dairy, etc.).
46. He's very combative with you—constantly picking arguments.
47. He never wants to do any activities or events that you want to do—it's only about him.
48. He doesn't validate your feelings.
49. He wants to have an open relationship.
50. He doesn't think that "labels"—e.g., "girlfriend" or "significant other" are important.

There are many more signs; however, these are some of the top ones. Are you realizing these signs and being honest with yourself, or are you making excuses to prolong the inevitable heartbreak?

Obviously, like most lists, if only one or two situations on this list have happened, and you haven't been dating very long, it might not be a total disastrous dating situation to give up on. But, if several things on this list have resonated with you—buyer beware! Life is too short to be hanging on to Mr. Wrong!

Don't Be Fooled By What He Says, Look at What He Does

When a man invests in you emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially—then he's truly invested in you for the long term. This does not mean that you should expect him to be your sugar daddy or that you should never do things to also make him feel special. It means that a man who cares and can see forever will want to pull out all the stops to keep you and make you feel special. If he has stopped doing those things or he has never done them, that is a clear indication that his interest in you as a long term partner is not there.

Ladies, communication is always important, however many men have a hard time with it. For many men, their communication technique is through their actions and how they treat you. If you think your relationship isn't going to the next level, it's probably not. Instead of hanging on to a relationship that is going nowhere, find a new one with a guy that only sees a long, bright, loving future together. Remember, a guy who really wants to be with you will move heaven and earth to do so.

Learn to read a man's actions for what they are. His actions will make it clear that he does not see a future with you.

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