Which conflict handling style is best for both the parties involved?

Identifying business conflict behaviours

Conflicts can occur in any setting, and they will inevitably happen. They’re not necessarily a bad thing as they enable growth and transformation. However, it’s how you handle the conflicts that is the key. If you’re managing a team, you’re likely to see conflict arise between the employees you manage; if you’re an entrepreneur, you’re likely to come across a difficult client who can become quite trying. There are several ways of handling conflicts like these and learning about conflict management is key to success when it comes to customer satisfaction.

What is conflict management?

Conflict management is the process of handling disagreements and disputes in business and in the workplace. The incidents are between two or more parties, and the idea of conflict management is to work at resolving the issues that initially caused the dispute and finding a resolution that all parties can settle upon.

Those who undergo professional conflict management training will be able to diffuse the situation successfully and provide an outcome that satisfies all parties involved.

It is very rare that one conflict management style will apply to all situations, but instead, many people adopt the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument.

The 5 Conflict Management Styles

KW Thomas and RH Kilmann created a model for conflict management styles based on two dimensions: assertiveness and cooperativeness. The 5 different styles take these into consideration, with compromise being in the middle.

As we will take a look at each in turn discover which of the 5 conflict modes you might be using too much or too little to identify your conflict style:

1. Avoiding

This is when you completely ignore the issue – you’re not trying to pursue any of your own goals, nor are you helping the other party achieve theirs. You may be completely pretending the issue doesn’t exist, or you may postpone dealing with the problem all the time and hope it goes away.

This is common if one party thinks the issue is too trivial to bother dealing with or they need a bit more time to think. Alternatively, the avoiding party may realise they have no chance of winning or it could become rather costly to do so, so they just avoid the issue.

2. Accommodating

When you co-operate to a high degree, often at your own expense and putting the concerns of others before your own, this is known as accommodating or giving in. While this looks as though you’re letting the other party “win”, it can prove very useful in maintaining a good future relationship. However, it can also lead to feelings of resentment from the accommodating party if they feel like they were forced to give in.

3. Competing

This would be the most aggressive conflict style and creates a “win-lose” situation. The competing party just stands their ground and refuses to see the viewpoint of the other party. They would continually reject resolution ideas until they get their way.

This is a sure-fire way of alienating the other party and should only be used in emergencies when a decision has to be made very quickly, and you need to stand your ground to get other people on board. While it may have short-term rewards, you are likely to ruin business relationships in this manner.

4. Collaborating

Collaborating is much more “win-win” situation where all parties involved hear each other out and work together to try and achieve their goals. This can prove quite difficult as you would need to make room for everybody’s ideas, and there would need to be a large element of trust involved between the parties.

This is an ideal solution for situations where it is important that the parties involved maintain a good relationship. Usually, those who are collaborators are well-respected people who are admired by many.

5. Compromising

The “middle ground” solution. Very often, people assume that the compromise is the way forward, but it is actually a “lose-lose” situation. All parties must give up something to try and meet in the middle, so there is potential for everyone to be unhappy.

Better would be to find a collaborating solution, but this is not always possible. A compromise often leads to a resolution much quicker, so it is ideal for temporary solutions.

Now that you know about the different conflict management styles, you can perhaps take a look at how you handle situations and work out where you fit in. You can then explore other styles if this doesn’t quite work for you.

Ask An Expert

Did you identify your conflict style behaviour from the list provided above? We offer an evaluation service where you can gain a deeper understanding into your own conflict style to achieve better communication and collaboration in business and the workplace.

Our conflict management tools can help you to discover your own conflict triggers and natural behaviours when in the business environment. Our consultants are certified experts in performance management to help you manage challenges with clarity and move forward with improved awareness, mutual respect and enhanced effectiveness in a mediation or business conflict situation with ease.

We encourage parties to work together to come to a solution that makes commercial sense.

Founding Mediator of Minute Mediation Ltd, Avinder Laroya, is a CEDR trained Commercial Mediator and Arbitrator and has experience of complex cross-border disputes, supporting her clients in considering and agreeing upon the best outcome.

Who Are We?

Minute Mediation is a Mediation and Conflict Management Consultancy, providing mediation and conflict management solutions to businesses around the globe. We continue to support clients in person or with minimal disruption with the use of teleconferencing technology such as Skype and Zoom, whilst saving you time and money compared to a traditional dispute resolution service.

We focus only on commercial matters, ensuring that our expertise is focused and up to date at all times. The pandemic has impacted businesses across the world, but Minute Mediation are prepared to stand alongside our clients to ensure our Mediation and Conflict management solutions are managed efficiently and effectively.

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When you think of conflict, what comes to mind? Is it something that you try to avoid? Something you dread? More importantly, how do you manage conflict?

Read on to learn about the five conflict handling styles, the pros and cons of each conflict style, and when to use each of the styles based on the conflict situation. And be sure to check out one of our comprehensive communication guides and how you can develop your own conflict resolution style.

What are the five types of conflict management styles?

According to the Ralph Kilmann's Conflict Mode Instrument, there are five types of interpersonal conflict reactions: accommodating, avoiding, collaborating, competing, and compromising.

Accommodating Style

If you have an accommodating conflict management style, you put aside your own priorities and focus on others. When you do this, small disagreements can be handled quickly with minimal effort. Your team will know that they can speak their mind without fear.

"Conflicts can be opportunities for positive growth."

- Robin Funsten, mediator and conflict resolution educator

However, accommodating too often can have its detriments. Accommodation should especially be avoided when making major decisions . Utilizing this conflict management style as a way to address team decisions will not yield lasting solutions. Depending on your personality, it can be very easy or hard to accommodate. Consider taking an accommodating approach...

• When you're wrong
• When you can tell your peer cares a lot more about the conflict than you
• When it's important to keep the peace at work
• When there's no other solution

Avoiding Style

An avoidant conflict management style is dodging the issue until it resolves itself, pushing the problem off into the future or all-together ignoring the issue.

Avoiding conflict is sometimes the right path to pursue for individuals that need time to calm down, seek clarity, and collect their thoughts. When you use this conflict management style sparingly, it shows your team that you're able to solve issues with a clear mind.

"We cannot know whether conflict is bad unless we know who is fighting, why they are fighting, and how they are fighting."

- Jonathan Marks, director of the Bioethics Program at Penn State University

If used in the wrong situations, this technique can make conflicts worse. You can seem incompetent because your team will feel that you are incapable of or unwilling to handle disagreements . Consider taking an avoidant approach to conflict management...

• When you don't have the time to manage the conflict in the moment
• When you aren't sure how you feel about the issue yet
• When it makes others feel uncomfortable
• When there's high tension

Collaboration Style

Collaborating is a combination of being assertive and cooperative. Embracing this style means you love a "win-win" situation. You will work with others to find a solution that fully satisfies everyone and minimize negative feelings.

With this style, all parties will contribute to a solution. Collaboration often leads to long-term solutions because there's group buy-in . Take a listen to TED speaker Dorothy Walker as she discusses rational ways to approach and resolve conflict in a collaborative way.

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However, this style of conflict management is time-consuming. That deadlines and deliverables are impacted as round-table discussions seek to find solutions. Consider taking a collaborative approach to conflict management...

• When the relationship is important
• When the final solution will have a significant impact
• When the interests, needs, and beliefs of all involved people need to be considered
• When the issue impacts many team members

Competing Style

A competitive conflict management style best fits the opinionated individuals. When you choose to use this conflict management style, you take a firm stance with a mindset of negotiating what you want. This approach focuses more on logical negotiation and less on empathy with others .

While this conflict management style solves disputes quickly, be cautious when using this approach. This style may come off as authoritarian and make your team feel hesitant to bring up ideas, concerns, and feedback. Handling conflicts by crushing dissent will not lead to self-sufficient and happy employees.

A competitive conflict management style sounds intimidating and unappealing, but there are times that it may be handy or necessary to keep your team going. Consider taking a competitive approach to conflict management...

• When you have to stand up for yourself, values, or morals
• When a less forceful conflict management style is proving ineffective or counterintuitive
• When there's been no change

Compromising Style

When you choose to compromise when managing conflict, you aim to partially satisfy people on both sides of the argument. You act as the mediator between each party.

Issues can be resolved a lot quicker than with a collaborative conflict management style. A positive side effect you will see is that those involved will leave understanding more about the other person's perspective and opinions. When you use this style to manage conflict, you will be seen as a hands-on and solution-oriented conflict facilitator.

However, nobody will leave completely content with the solution. One side might feel they've compromised too much and be unwilling to engage this type of conflict management in the future. TED speaker Jonathan Marks talks about the importance of discussing conflict even if it doesn't yield a perfect solution.

Be wary of taking advantage of your co-worker's goodwill. Consider this style as an approach to conflict management...

• When reaching a solution is more important than the solution itself
• When you need a temporary solution
• When you're at a standstill in the conflict
• When you want to motivate the team to move towards collaboration
• When there is no possible solution that will make both parties happy

How to be comfortable with conflict

Conflict is inevitable. Treat the feedback you receive about your approach to conflict with care. Pinpoint, reframe, and follow through with your game plan and approach when dealing with conflict. But if you're in the midst of conflict, check out these tips.

• Separating the person from the problem
• Using "I" instead of "You" statements
• Asking open-ended questions
• Using active listening
• Differentiating interest from positions
• Coming up with options for mutual benefit even if it is not a perfect solution